Homecoming
by bluejello246
Summary: Sometimes the past really doesn't matter that much anymore. Myka needs Helena to come home. Claudia gets the ball rolling. Post 4x17.
1. Chapter 1 - The Text

**This is the first story I've ever published. Mistakes are all mine. Characters unfortunately are not. Feedback (the good, the bad, and the ugly) is all welcome. Hope you enjoy!**

B&W~B&W~B&W~B&W~B&W~B&W

Helena was sipping her tea getting ready to head in to work when her phone beeped with an incoming text message from an unknown number.

_**"Come home. - CD"**_

Claudia. Her stomach dropped. Nothing kicked her senses into high alert like hearing from her Warehouse family. And this had her immediately on edge.

She quickly typed out a "What's wrong?" and hit send. Staring at her phone anxiously waiting for a response, she was frozen in place. Her breathing was shallow, her heart was racing, her brilliant mind started to form a thousand possible scenarios all revolving around one thing. Or one person to be exact. Myka. Her phone beeped again shaking her from her thoughts.

_**"I can't explain like this. Trust me. If you ever loved her. If you ever even thought you did. If you still do. Come home. Please."**_

Helena dropped the phone on the table. She felt tears start to form in her eyes, quickly blinking to keep them away. Of course she still loved her. She thought about her constantly. She played through their conversation in her driveway over and over again, regretting the fact that she was too scared to be a better person. To be honest. To believe in her own truth. She had failed Myka so many times. How could this strong, beautiful, intelligent, woman ever return her feelings. Why would she want her to come home now?

She'd betrayed her. She used her to get into the Warehouse. She fell in love with her. And then she betrayed her.

She almost ended the world. She almost killed her. She realized too late everything that was right in front of her. She could have trusted her. She could have healed with her. She could have gotten over Christina while loving a woman who made her feel safe and good for the first time in well over a century. But instead, she failed her.

She tried to make up for it. As a hologram as best she could. The chess lock. The astrolabe. Working for the Regents when she got her "life" back. Apparently she was even trying to make up for it in a time she didn't remember, saving Myka and the others from an exploding Warehouse. But she knew in the back of her mind, she would never be good enough. She could never make up for what she had done. And she couldn't stand the thought of ever hurting her again.

So she ran. Ran to "normalcy." Ran to a place where she tried to start over. Where she thought if she didn't see her or interact with the Warehouse, she could never cause her pain again

The look in Myka's eyes as she drove away that night proved just how wrong she was. She loved her and she betrayed her again. She hurt her again. And she knew deep down that Myka would always be her one regret. Her one true love. Her One. But also the one she lost because she was scared.

She glanced down at Claudia's text one more time. Of course she loved her. Maybe Myka loved her back and maybe she didn't. But it didn't matter. Myka was all that mattered.

She picked up her phone and sent a quick "On my way." back to Claudia. Whatever was going on, Myka needed her, and although her track record proved otherwise, she was determined to never let her down again.

B&W~B&W~B&W~B&W~B&W~B&W

Helena grabbed the bag she kept tucked away in the back of her closet. She may have been looking for normal, but she would always be a woman ready for anything. As she headed down the stairs towards her car, reality hit. Adelaide. Nate. She would need to tell them something. She'd call Nate from the car and explain her quick departure. Adelaide was another story. To say she had grown close to the girl would be an understatement. It didn't take her long to realize it was Adelaide and not Nate that kept a piece of her heart in this drab Wisconsin town. She would need to explain.

Adelaide's school was on her way out of town, and as much as she wanted to get to Myka as soon as possible, she knew she had to stop and speak to the young girl in person. She headed into the office and within minutes Adelaide was on her way down the hall. She smiled when she saw Helena, but her smile instantly turned when she noticed the serious look on Helena's face.

"Hi Emily. What are you doing here?"

Helena cringed slightly at Adelaide's use of her name. "Hi darling. I needed to talk to you for a second." Helena led Adelaide over to a nearby bench, and then squatted down in front of her as the young girl sat.

"I need to leave for a little while." she started as she gently squeezed the girl's hands. "I'm not sure for how long, but I want you to know that I love you very much, and I promise I will do my best to stay in touch with you as often as possible."

"You have to go see Myka, don't you?"

If Helena was surprised by the girls insight, she didn't let on. After all the secrets about her past, she owed this girl the truth. "Yes, I have to go to Myka."

"Are you going to go live with her now? Because you love her?"

Helena smiled. Oh how this girl had captured her heart. "I don't know. I need be there with her right now. We'll see what happens I suppose." She ran a hand through her hair, internally cringing at not knowing why she was needed back home.

"You have to know Addie, your father, he's a good person. And maybe in a different life..." she trailed off but Adelaide pick right up.

"Myka is your person. You should be with her."

"If she'll have me." Helena let slip before she could sensor her thoughts. She patted her knees and then rose, offering her hand back to Adelaide. "How did you get so smart anyway?" she smiled down to the girl.

"You taught me to observe. And really Emily, it wasn't that hard to notice." The girl smirked up at her mentor.

"Righty ho then." She sighed before pulling the girl into a fierce hug. "I love you Addie. I always will."

"I love you too Emily. And don't worry. It will work with Myka." She smiled up to Helena. "And then you can tell me all about your great adventures together."

"I'll miss you sweet girl." After a final hug and a kiss to the forehead, Helena watched Adelaide retreat down the hall back to class. She would miss her more than she could express, but right now she needed to drive away. She needed to get to Myka.


	2. Chapter 2 - Whatever you need

It took H.G. 8 hours to make the trip to Leena's and it was nearing 9pm when she arrived. She hadn't hesitated once on her plan to get to the B&B and get to Myka, yet now she found herself sitting in her rental car for a good 15 minutes, working up the courage to go inside. With Leena gone, she had no idea what the internal workings of the B&B had become. From the cars outside she had a feeling that at least Claudia and Pete were home, and yes, Claudia had called her to come back, but would the others want to see her? She did know that whatever was to come inside, there was no going back now.

Mind made up, she exited her car and approached the front of the B&B. She rang the bell and nervously swayed, waiting for the door to be open. When she heard the click and saw the door swing open, she slowly released the breath she hadn't even realized she'd been holding. Claudia.

"HG! Oh God I'm so glad you're here!" Her young mentee was in her arms in a flash, and Helena felt the fear of not being welcome drain from her body.

"Hello darling. It's good to see you." Claudia released her and stepped back, allowing her entry to the B&B.

"Thanks for coming HG. We didn't... I wasn't sure..." Claudia rocked back and forth, staring at the floor, running her hand through her hair multiple times. Where did she start? Was texting Helena the right thing to do? It had been such an impulsive thing to do. Was Myka going to be mad?

A text was one thing, but the emotional shock of see HG in front of her had Claudia panicking. And realizing that it wasn't just Myka who might be mad. _She_ was mad. Mad she had to text HG in the first place. Mad that Myka, the closest thing she had to a big sister, had been heartbroken by this woman time and time again. Maybe calling her wasn't the right thing?

Claudia looked up at the woman before her, a frown spreading across her face. This was the woman she thought knew everything. Who could do anything. Who could fix anything. But she left them. Left the Warehouse. Left Myka. She left without fixing anything. She left them broken.

"Damn it HG." she started, her body instantly taking a step towards the older woman. "What were you thinking? Playing house? Really? What the hell is wrong with you?" She glared at Helena, not sure what to expect for an answer. When Helena looked down, obviously not ready to answer, she wanted to rage at her even more. She froze though, because it didn't take Pete's vibes for Claudia to feel the regret radiating from the woman before her. The look in Helena's eyes told Claudia all she needed to know. She didn't need to yell at HG on behalf of her friend. HG was torturing herself enough without help from anyone else.

Helena was not shocked by Claudia's change in attitude, sighing at the young agents outburst and then looking away, not knowing what to say. She knew she ran for all the wrong reasons. She knew she'd been a coward. Obviously everyone knew it. There was no denying it and no point trying to justify it all now. "I'm an idiot."

When Helena finally did speak, Claudia soften immediately at the confession. "Yes." she agreed. "Yes you are." As mad as Claudia was, her heart would not allow her to watch Helena suffer from her words as well. She quickly wrapped Helena up in a second hug as an apology for her mini-outburst.

Claudia felt more than heard the "I'm sorry." whispered into the embrace. She pulled back and looked her mentor in the eyes. "You better be. You need to tell her that too."

Helena detached herself from the younger girl and wiped at her eyes. "I know. I will." she promised. Trying to return her mind and body to some sense of balance she took a step back. Now what mattered was figuring out what had inspired Claudia to text her so unexpectedly in the first place.

"So darling, other than my profound realization that I am a bloody fool, care to fill me in on what I'm doing here?"

"I wouldn't mind an answer to that question either?"

Helena heard the voice behind her and closed her eyes at the thought of it's owner. She slowly turned around to face Myka, all thoughts leaving her mind as she laid eyes on the woman before her.

"I'll just... you know... exit as ungracefully as possible right now." Claudia squeaked as she tried to slide past Myka.

"Claude, wait. You called her?" Myka accused.

Claudia briefly thought about making up an excuse for why Helena was currently in their hallway, but she quickly thought better of it. She gently placed a hand on Myka's shoulder before speaking. "I love you Mykes. You know that. And sometimes you need... a push. Don't be mad, please? I didn't tell her anything. Just that she should... come home."

Myka closed her eyes and thought about Claudia's words before covering the girls hand on her shoulder with her own. She closed her eyes and let a quiet "Thank you." slip out before she let Claudia pass her and head up the stairs.

She turned to face the woman who always managed to turn her world upside down, "Helena."

"Myka." It was all Helena could say. It was the only word running through her brilliant brain. Over and over again. Myka. In front of her. Myka. Staring into her soul. Myka. With a heart so big she might just listen to her one more time.

For her part, Myka stood with her arms folded across her stomach. Protecting herself. Torn. Between lashing out at the woman in front of her for repeatedly breaking her heart and falling helplessly into her arms. Knowing it was the one place she might be able to feel safe from all that was going on around her. "Helena? What are you doing here?"

Helena had no idea how long they stared at each other. How long the silence of Myka's unanswered question lingered between them. God she could get lost in the other woman's eyes. But Myka's words brought her back to the present and she knew she needed to start explaining. But not here.

"Claudia sent me a text. And... I don't know. Can we maybe... go for a walk? Or to the garden?" Helena never heard her own voice sound so hesitant. So scared of rejection.

Myka knew the answer she was about to give would probably reveal more than she cared to admit, but she also knew in her current state a walk was not a good idea. "It's been a really long couple of days Helena. I'm exhausted. But if you come upstairs we can talk in my room." And she turned and slowly headed up the stairs. Hoping beyond hope that the older woman would follow her.

Watching Myka walk away, the first thing that Helena noticed was how carefully Myka made her way up the stairs. There was no doubt she'd follow behind, and it was only a matter of steps before she was immediately behind Myka. When she noticed her ever so slightly sway and grip the railing a little harder towards the top of the stairs, she instinctually put her hand on the younger woman's lower back to steady her. She felt and heard Myka's breath hitch at the contact.

"Myka, are you..." she started, but was immediately cut off when Myka glanced over her shoulder at her.

"No. You don't get to ask. Not if I'm ok. Not what's going on. Not anything." She turned back around and was about to tackle the last stair, head down. "Not yet." she pleaded. And then she reached behind her and gently pressed Helena's hand firmer into her back.

Whatever this was, it was big, but Helena knew she couldn't deny Myka's request to let it go for now. She owed her at least that. "Ok." she whispered as Myka resumed her journey up the stairs, grateful for the physical contact with the younger agent.

B&W~B&W~B&W~B&W~B&W~B&W

Myka gently sat down on her bed, leaning against the headboard, bringing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them in a protective ball. Helena following behind stood awkwardly next to the bed, not sure where Myka wanted her.

Myka could feel the hesitation in Helena's movements, and so releasing her knees, she slid over, patting the space on the bed next to her. "Sit. No shoes on the bed." she said before laying her head back against the headboard and closing her eyes.

Helena did as instructed, slipping out of her boots and pulling her feet up under herself, facing Myka. She took in the site before her. Myka was beautiful. Her hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail, she had no makeup on, and the lines under her eyes were proof she hadn't been sleeping well. But to Helena, she'd never seen such a beautiful sight before her.

Obviously Myka was waiting for her to speak, but the author was at a loss for words. She reached out and gently caressed the back of the younger woman's hand, but she didn't know where to start. She was sorry... She regretted so many things... She never meant to hurt her... She was lying to herself when she thought she could stay away... she was terrified of hurting her again...

"I love you." Those were the only words that made any sense. The only words she could imagine starting with. So they were the ones she spoke. Everything else, the apologies and the explanations, the hopes, dreams, and fears, would all come later. Right now Myka only needed to know she was loved.

Myka opened her eyes and turned her head to stare at the woman before her. She knew beyond a doubt Helena was speaking the truth. It was in her eyes. She did love her. And she would protect her. And past aside, that is what Myka needed right now. So she rolled her hand over so their fingers could clasp together, and squeezed.

"I know. I love you too." Closing her eyes again she felt a ghost of a smile across her own face. She felt Helena shift closer to her, and using the hand that was not holding Myka's, she gently stroke the side of her face. Myka could no longer fight off the tears slowly running down her cheek but smiled again when she felt first Helena's thumb brush them away, only to be replaced by soft lips upon her cheeks.

She opened her eyes again catching an equal number of tears in Helena's eyes. She raised her hand to brush them away, and then reached behind Helena's neck, pulling her forward until their foreheads touched. For now, it was enough of a connection to make both women sigh in relief.

Helena was the first to break the silence. She couldn't wait any longer. She slowly pulled back and waited for the woman across from her to open her eyes. "Myka, I am so very sorry."

"Shhh..." Helena felt a finger gently rest across her lips. She couldn't help but kiss it. She noticed the small smile on Myka's face as she did and it warmed her heart. She wrapped the hand at her lips with her own, and with a second kiss, pulled it away.

"I love you Myka. In a way I never thought possible, I love you. But I have hurt you so many times I don't know how you can possibly let me into your life again. How you could possibly trust me again?"

Instead of using a finger, this time Myka leaned forward and placed a soft kiss to Helena's lips to stop her from speaking. When she pulled back she noticed they had equal smiles on their faces. She pulled back a little further to look into Helena's eyes.

"I know this isn't going to be easy Helena. There is so much we have to talk about. So much history to get past. God, there is so much I need to tell you. But not tonight. Tonight I am exhausted and I need to sleep. Tonight I need you to hold me and wrap your arms around me and tell me everything is going to be ok. Tonight I need you to be the woman I love, who is never going to hurt me again." The honesty in Myka's voice nearly broke Helena. The tears that started running down her face again at admitting her need were Helena's undoing. She could never ever deny this woman anything again, and tonight she would be everything she needed her to be.

Helena brushed away a few more of Myka's tears before placing a sweet kiss to her lips once again. And like on the stairs, she knew all Myka needed from her was a simple "Ok."

She turned her body so she was lying parallel to Myka and then gently pulled her down so she was resting against her. She sighed contently when she felt Myka place her head on her shoulder and nuzzle into her neck. She wrapped an arm around her back and pulled her even closer as Myka tossed one leg over hers and let her arm curl around Helena's waist.

Helena felt Myka's entire body relax into hers, felt her breath even out, and felt more than heard the sigh of contentment that escaped the woman she was holding.

"Sleep my love. I've got you. I promise I'm not going to let go. Never again."

And with that, Myka slept, for the first time in months.


	3. Chapter 3 - Awakening

**A/N: All the follows and favs and reviews and PMs totally humbled me. Thank you! So i'm marking as in progress and continuing. Not sure how many more chapters since this is all I have done so far, but I'll do my best to continue and not disappoint! Reminder - I own nothing. Mistakes are all sorts of mine. **

**Chapter 3 - Awakening**

Her body slowly returned to consciousness, completely aware of the warmth that engulfed her. This was so different than how she remembered waking up recently. The last few months had left her cold. Chilled to the bone. Tired. That was the exact opposite of her current state. She was warm and relaxed. She even felt rested. Her brain tried to play catch up with the feelings in her body, wondering why everything was suddenly different.

She felt slow lazy circles being traced on her lower back, and then it all clicked into place. Helena was here. Helena was holding her, and protecting her, and keeping her warm. And as messed up as her life seemed to be these days, waking up like this was perfect.

She willed her eyes to open and started to raise her head, when she felt a gentle kiss to her forehead. Forget opening her eyes. She burrowed back down into the warmth.

Helena let out a small chuckle at the squirming woman in her arms. God she was adorable. "Good morning, darling."

"Hmff... warm" was all she could make out from the body now occupying her entire right side.

She chuckled again before leaning down slightly and whispering into Myka's ear. "I agree completely my dear. But as wonderful as this is, if I don't get up soon I do believe my bladder is going to burst."

Myka let the words register before ever so slowly rolling away. Now more fully awake, she propped herself up on her elbow and gazed at the woman before her. "Sorry." Myka smiled a little sheepishly. "You're pretty damn comfortable."

"As are you my dear" Helena responded with a smile.

Myka gazed around the room as Helena stretched and started to rise. She noticed what appeared to be full daylight shining through the window, but that couldn't be right. The most she'd slept in weeks had been 5 hours at a time. "What time is it?" she inquired.

"A little after 10:30. Claudia stopped by to check in about 9 but I told her there was no waking you until you wanted to get up. I hope that's ok?" Helena seemed hesitant in her response to let Myka know someone had come and gone. But she hadn't had the heart to wake her then, and had been silently revelling at the feeling of the woman lying in her arms. God help her she wasn't going to let go until she absolutely had to.

"10:30? Seriously? I slept for 12 hours?" Myka was in disbelief. The combination of her brain and body hadn't allowed her that kind of rest in a very long time."I'm so sorry. You hate sleeping in. You must be going stir crazy." Myka's nerves came blaring through as she tried to apologize for trapping the other woman under her for so long.

For her part Helena simply leaned over and pecked Myka on the lips. "Nonsense darling. There is no place I'd rather have been."

Helena placed another kiss on the soft lips in front of her before fully sliding out of bed and heading to the bathroom.

Left to herself, Myka's brain went into full over drive. Helena had stayed. She couldn't help the smile that spread across her face. Helena came home, and didn't ask questions or pressure her for information, and let her sleep. And she stayed.

Hearing the faucet turn on in the bathroom, Myka pulled herself up into a full sitting position, running a hand through her mangled curls in an attempt to appear at least remotely presentable before Helena returned.

The bedroom door creaked open and Helena slipped back in. Before she could make her way all the way back to the bed, the women heard a soft knock on the door behind her.

"Hey guys, I heard some movement up here so I came bearing gifts."

Myka smiled, gently tugging Helena back to the spot next to her on the bed. "Come on in Claud."

"Wow, you sound good this morning." Opening the door, 3 steaming mugs held in two hands, Claudia couldn't help but smile at the sight before her. After pulling Helena back down onto the bed, Myka kept their hands laced between them and dropped her head to the older woman's shoulder.

"Here, I brought you your beverages of choice. Tea for our favorite Brit, and coffee just the way you like it for you Myka." Claudia extended her two mugged hand out to the woman in front of her, and then settled herself cross legged on the end of the bed when the drinks were taken and "thank you's" expressed.

"So... how you feeling? How'd you sleep?" Even if she had tried, the young agent couldn't keep the smirk off her face or the sing song out of her voice when posing the questions. Myka looked better then she had in weeks, and Claudia could only hope having Helena with her was at least partially the cause of that.

Myka grinned. No point in holding anything back now. "I slept perfect. Thanks."

"Good." Claudia took a slow sip of her coffee before posing her next question. "So, you're not mad at me, are you?"

Myka sat up so she could reach Claudia, releasing her grip from Helena's and gently placing her hand on Claudia's knee. "No, I'm not mad. You were right. And you are an amazing friend. Thank you for having my back."

Claudia blushed a little at the compliment but covered it up quickly by pumping her fist into the air and exclaiming "Excellent. Score one for the meddlesome little sister!"

Helena had remained quiet through their exchange, but laughed at the outburst and then felt the need to also express her gratitude to the young woman before her. "I think I owe you a thank you as well my dear. For, how do you say it? 'Kicking my ass in the right direction?' We are all very fortunate to have you in our lives. You do an excellent job protecting those you love."

Now Claudia was full on blushing at the attention. She idolized the two woman before her, and to have them understand that she only text HG because she cared about them both was a huge relief for the young woman.

"Well, you know I love you both. So, seriously, glad I could help."

Claudia turned her full attention back to Myka before changing the subject away from her. "So Myka, I was talking to Pete this morning and he said for today if you want..."

"Wait. Stop." Claudia was cut off by Myka's outburst and a little taken aback.

"Claud, Helena and I haven't actually talked much yet. I need to fill her in. Will you give us some time and we'll head downstairs in a while?"

"Oh, right, sure... I just figured... you know... um... Wait. Then last night, what were... ew... no... I mean I know obviously you too are... you know... and you would... but I don't need to..." Claudia could not stop the mental images rolling through her head.

Helena couldn't stop the laugh that escaped at the girls discomfort. "Claudia, darling, relax. I can promise you that Myka and I simply slept last night." With a quick glance over to Myka she couldn't help but continue. "Not that either of us would have been against anything more... and I'm sure eventually you'll want some really good noise cancelling headphones... and..."

"HG! Stop!" Claudia yelled and bolted off the bed. "I get the picture. And... I'm out of here." Calming herself before exiting, she turned back to the women on the bed "I'll see you guys downstairs whenever. Take your time. And Myka? It's great to see you smiling." And with that she gently shut the door behind her.

Myka picked up Helena's hand off the bed and they both shifted their bodies towards each other. "Well, that was one way to clear a room." She smiled down at their laced fingers before raising her head to meet the eyes of the woman in front of her. "So I guess no time like the present, huh?"

Helena squeezed the hand in hers and used her other hand to pull Myka forward into a slow kiss. When the need for air became too much, they broke apart, resting their heads together. Lifting Myka's chin until they were eye to eye again, Helena quietly spoke. "Myka you know I'm here to stay. You know how much I love you. I hope you know that whatever is going on right now, you can trust me."

"I do trust you. And I love you too. But Helena, it's not that simple."

Helena pushed on "Life is not simple darling. But we're Bering and Wells, we can solve the puzzle. Save the day..."

"Helena, I have cancer."

Time seemed to stand still around Helena. She hadn't felt this frozen in body and mind since the initial seconds of her bronzing took place. That was terrifying. This was worse.

Cancer. That was not what she expected to hear. As agents, they faced death every day. The idea of dying at the mercy of an artifact was never far from their thoughts. And that is what Helena had expected. A mad hunt for an artifact that was currently causing Myka pain, even illness. A reassurance to her loved one that they would find it, and neutralize it, and everything would be fine. Because that's what she did. She was HG freakin Wells. She understands artifacts. She finds artifacts. She builds amazing machines. She fixes things.

But this? How does one fix this? Of course her mind immediately went to what artifacts were in their possession that could cure Myka. They had a Warehouse full of endless wonder. There obviously had to be something. She then flashed to Christina. She turned to the Warehouse then to bring her daughter back, and it failed her. She failed. How was this going to be any different? How was she going to not completely shatter if she lost the one woman who brought her back from the brink of destruction and made her whole again?

A thousand more thoughts ran through Helena's head, but all Myka could observe was that Helena had inhaled sharply when she revealed the news, and had yet to exhale. Gently cupping her face, she stroked down the older woman's cheek. "Helena, breathe sweetie."

Brought back to reality, Helena could think of nothing to say, so simply pulled the other woman into a fierce hug. "Oh Myka, I'm sorry. I don't know what to say." she whispered into the other woman's hair. "I love you. We'll figure this out."

Helena wanted beyond all doubt to be strong for Myka. Myka needed a rock right now and damn if she was going to let her own fear get in the way. But Myka knew her too well. She could hear the anxiety in Helena's voice through the whispered words of reassurance.

"It's ok to be scared. God knows I'm terrified." Myka whispered back. "But I'm so thankful you're here." Then pulling back slowly she addressed the other woman in front of her.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you sooner. I just felt like it would be selfish on my part. You had your new life and I wanted you to be happy. I don't know how this is going to turn out, and after everything you've been through, especially with Christina, I couldn't see adding any more heartache to your life. I never wanted to be the cause of you hurting. But I know you, and as hard as the last year has been, I knew if I called you, you would be here. And this?" she gestured to her own body, it's betrayal of her evident in her voice. "This is going to be hard. This is going to hurt." Myka broke down then. Not the silent tears she had shed the night before. A full on gut wrenching sob, full of anguish and despair and fear, escaped her as she collapsed into the woman in front of her.

As Myka's sobs wracked her body, Helena pulled her in close and held her with all the strength she could muster, her own tears mixing with those of the woman she loves. Minutes passed with neither saying a word, just letting their emotions overtake them and desperately clinging to each other. Helena started to slide their bodies backwards so they could lie on the bed when she felt Myka start to roll away. She doesn't get far before Helena quickly follows, spooning Myka from behind as the woman's crying starts to subside.

Myka pulls the arm around her even tighter, pinning it with her own hand to her chest. "I'm so sorry to drag you into this."

Helena plants a kiss into the head of curls in front of her and pulls Myka even closer, marvelling at how well they fit together. "You have nothing to apologize for my love. You are not dragging me into anything. We will face this together. We will figure this out. I promise."

"You can't know that. What if -"

Helena slid back and rolled Myka onto her back, bringing her own body half on top of Myka's. "No what if's." she mumbled before meeting Myka's lips with her own. Myka's arms wrapped around her instinctively.

"Helena we have to be realistic."

"I am being realistic." Helena countered. "Science and medicine have come so far..."

"What if it's not far enough?" Myka interrupted. She couldn't get her hopes up.

But Helena would not back down. "Then we will figure something else out. The Warehouse..."

"Helena, stop. You can't..." Myka almost pleaded. It was too dangerous for Helena's thoughts to go there. She knew that.

"I know the limits of the Warehouse dear. And I know how much I love you. And if it comes down to it, it doesn't hurt to explore all options." It took all of Helena's will power to keep her voice calm. Stay rational. But in the back of her mind she knew she'd do anything to help this woman.

Myka sighed, trying to be the voice of reason. Obviously she wanted to get better, but the risks would be too high. "Even if there is something, we can't just use it. There is always a down side. Don't you think if there was a cancer curing artifact with no down side, it would be out there, you know, curing cancer?"

"If there is a cancer curing artifact, we will damn well handle any possible down side it could have."

"Helena." Myka tried again but was quickly interrupted.

"Kiss me."

"What?" Taken aback by the sudden change in topic.

"Please Myka, just kiss me." Who was Myka to deny her? Gentle at first, both women did not hesitate to let the kiss deepen. And Myka realized why Helena made the simple request. This was exactly what they needed. They did not need to talk through how they were going to get through this. They definitely did not need to debate or argue about how they would get through it. They just needed to be there, with each other, knowing in their hearts that they would.

When they slowly broke apart, Helena was the first to speak. "You are going to be ok. We are going to be ok. Trust me?"

There was no hesitation this time. "I do."

"Believe me?"

"I do."

"Love me?"

"Yes."

"Be with me?"

And Myka took the opportunity to once again answer without words.


	4. Chapter 4 - One

**A/N: Thanks for all the follows and reviews! For someone who has never published a damn thing before, it totally makes my day to know there are people enjoying this journey and willing to stay along for the ride. You're all amazing.**

**I realize there is probably an M rated Chapter 3.5 that could be done, but I know for a fact that it won't be written by me! Sorry if you returned hoping for that. But t****his was stuck in my head as a conversation they still needed to have before I could move into tackling Myka's illness. So I promise the next chapter will actually move forward with the story line!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own fragmented sentences and poor grammar. **

B&W~~~B&W~~~B&W~~~B&W~~~

3 hours ago Myka was convinced the best feeling in the world was waking up in Helena's arms, wrapped protectively in the woman's embrace. She was wrong. The best feeling in the world was waking up in Helena's arms, both of them naked, wrapped up protectively in the woman's embrace. She could get used to this.

That thought made her simultaneously incredibly happy and incredibly sad. Because she didn't know if she would have time to get used to this. Fate could have cruelly already put an end date on what was finally allowed to grow between the two women. She wanted desperately to be able to venture into her future with this woman by her side. To rediscover each other. Love each other. Live in a world where they were partners in every sense of the word. As Warehouse agents and as soul mates. Helena was her family. Her love. Her life. And she knew better than anyone just how hard she would have to fight to keep it. Now more than ever she was convinced to fight with everything she had to win this battle. She refused to give up. Not with so much to look forward to.

Myka felt the other woman stir below her, and gently planted kisses down Helena's neck and along her collarbone. "Wake up beautiful."

Helena opened her mouth to respond, but a sigh was all that escaped at the feel of Myka's kisses. She subconsciously tilted her head to the side, giving Myka better access, while making half an effort to speak again. "Mmmm... if you keep that up, I may never get out of this bed."

Myka gently laughed and nipped the ear in front of her before propping herself up to hover over the woman below. "That idea is incredibly tempting." She lowered herself slowly and completely on to Helena, bringing their bodies and lips together in one motion. After a few short seconds, she reversed the movement and was hovering above Helena again. "However, reality calls, and we need to get cleaned up and get some food." Another kiss. "And then I have an appointment with Dr. Calder this afternoon."

Helena was instantly awake at the mention of the doctor and reality came crashing back in. She reached up and tucked some stray curls behind Myka's ear, letting her hand rest on her shoulder. "Do you want some company when you talk to her?"

The quietest "Yes." followed by another kiss and then Myka pushed herself up and off the bed, quickly throwing on shorts and a t-shirt. She had a thousand things running through her head, but the two most pressing were the details of her appointment, and the need to jump the woman in front of her all over again. How could someone have such conflicting thoughts at a time like this? She needed to distance herself just a little bit. "I'm going to take a quick shower."

Glancing up at Myka, Helena couldn't help the not so appropriate thoughts running through her head. "Can I join you?"

Myka turned around and smiled. "You know I want to say yes. But I highly doubt the showering part would be very productive."

The pout that graced Helena's face almost caused Myka to give in, but she did need to clear her head. She walked back over to the bed, pulling the sheet up over Helena and playfully tucking it around her while kissing her lips. "I just need a minute to myself. And you are incredibly gorgeous and irresistible. So please just let me pretend for a minute you are not deliciously naked under this sheet so I can think. And then I promise to make it up to you however you like tonight. Deal?"

She was smiling the entire time she was talking but Helena could feel the seriousness behind her joking. But who was she to not follow Myka's lead. "Of course. Go on. I will be right here, not naked, not picturing you in the shower, and definitely not thinking about how you will be making it up to me later." She smiled at the blush that appeared on Myka's face. She leaned forward, hugging the sheet to her a body in an over dramatic fashion, and kissed Myka back.

Myka rested their foreheads together with a quiet "Thank you." before rising and heading to the bathroom.

Helena stretched out then and began thinking through the myriad of feelings and emotions coursing through her body. She needed to wrap her brain around the long overdue, but sudden, change in her relationship with Myka. What were they now? Girlfriends sounded ridiculous. They were so much more than that. Lovers? Obviously after the morning they shared, but still not enough. Partners? Significant others? Helena had to stop and wondered why she felt the need to label. She belonged to Myka. Mind, body and soul. That was enough.

She didn't realize how long her musings on the topic had lasted until she heard the water turn off in the shower. She flashed back to her life 24 hours before. Hearing Nate get out of the shower while her and Adelaide made breakfast downstairs. Packing lunch and getting Adelaide's backpack together while Nate got ready for work. It was so normal. So easy. But as much as she loved Adelaide, she had been miserable. How had she been so crazy to think that was the life she wanted? How had she been so stupid to deny time with Myka for a lie? She rose from the bed and threw on some clothes, still deep in thought when she heard the door opened and Myka walk in. She had promised Claudia the night before she would apologize for it all. That she would explain to Myka what had happened. She owed it to the woman, but more importantly, she wanted to try and make her understand why she had done what she'd done.

For her part, when she walked in the room, Myka immediately noticed the withdrawn look on Helena's face reflected in the mirror. "Hey, you ok?" she asked as she approached her, wrapping her arms around Helena from behind.

Helena turned around in Myka's arms and placed a hand on the womans chest. There was no doubt now that she needed to clear the air before they could move forward. "Myka I'm so sorry about everything with Nate." She couldn't maintain eye contact as she continued, head down.

"I'm sorry I left and I'm sorry I let you go when you were in Boone. As I told Claudia last night. I am an idiot. I should have come back after the astrolabe incident. I should have been here. With you." She trailed off, her disappointment in herself obvious.

Myka hooked her finger under Helena's chin, lifting her head so they were eye to eye. "You're not an idiot. And you're here now. That's what matters most." Myka tried to comfort. She'd been temporarily thrown by the change in conversation from before to after her shower, but she knew this was a conversation that had to happen eventually, and apparently now was the right time.

Helena placed a gentle kiss on Myka's lips and then moved away, slowly pacing the room. As much as Myka wanted her close, she knew Helena needed to move when she thought. And knowing how the womans brain worked, she knew anything she was about to confess was going to be some of the hardest things she ever said. So she'd give her the space.

It didn't take long for Helena to gather her courage, turn and face Myka, and begin. "I wish being here now did make it all ok. But you have to know I am so incredibly ashamed of my past actions. God Myka, I was so bloody scared of everything. Scared of myself. Of the Warehouse. Of my feelings for you. I really, truly, believed you were better off without me." She sighed. "Maybe you still are." she mumbled, running a hand through her hair, her self doubt evident in her voice. "I knew in my heart I would love you forever, but I am so scared of messing everything up again. Of hurting you again. The idea of anything causing you harm terrifies me. The reality that I was one that caused it so many times? Myka, that is unforgivable." She wrapped her arms around herself rocking back and forth on her feet and Myka couldn't bear to see her in so much pain.

She approached Helena again, gently prying her arms away from her body and wrapping them around her own waist. She placed her arms over Helena's shoulders. "Hey" she whispered, patiently waiting for Helena to raise her head up and meet her eyes. When their eyes locked, she continued. "We're going to be ok."

The tears on the verge of spilling broke through but Helena did her best to maintain eye contact as she continued. "I don't know how you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I don't know if I can ever forgive myself. What if there is still this evil person inside me?"

Myka rested their foreheads together before continuing in nothing more than a whisper. "You were the one who told me 'no what if's.' remember? And you were right. I trust you. Yes you made mistakes that hurt us. But they hurt us, not just me. And you did those things because you were confused and alone with your pain for so long. You're not alone anymore, Helena. I wish I could have proved that to you years ago. I made mistakes too you know. I should have been there for you more in the beginning. Before Yellowstone. I should have seen your pain and done more. Been more."

Helena pulled back, shaken to the core at the thought of Myka feeling she had any type of responsibility for her own horrible past actions. "Myka stop. You know none of what I did was your fault."

Myka closed her eyes pushing away what she wanted to say. Any guilt she felt would only make Helena doubt herself more, and that was not the direction this was meant to go. She opened her eyes and slowly continued. "Even if that's true, you have to realize it's all in the past now. Helena, you have to let it go." She gently tucked some hair behind Helena's ear staring deeply into her eyes before continuing. "I believe in you. You are not evil. You are a strong, loving, brilliant person who has overcome a century of challenges. You had every right to be scared and run. But I trust that you are not going to run from me again. And you need to trust that I forgive you."

Helena had no words to respond with. She simply laid her head on the Myka's chest and let herself be held, absorbing all the love she could feel Myka had for her. She was still scared. She was still unsure that she could be the person Myka deserved. But really, this is where she felt she belonged. And this is where Myka wanted her. And that was what mattered.

She lifted her head and met Myka's eyes again. "Thank you. I don't know how I got lucky enough to have you."

Myka had to smile at the comment. "Luck? Really Helena? I think we have had the exact opposite of luck over the years." She leaned down and kissed her. "But hopefully that is all changing now." she smiled and pulled away. "Are we ok?"

"Yes darling, we are in fact more than ok." and she sealed her comment with another kiss.

"Good." Slowly disengaging Myka continued, "You should go take a shower. I need to head downstairs and talk to the gang. Come join us when you're done?"

Helena nodded and then replied "I'll be there shortly." before heading towards the bathroom.

She closed the door behind her and leaned against it, taking a deep, cleansing, breath and exhaling out any residual anxiety over moving forward with Myka. They had a long difficult path ahead of them, but any doubt that Myka loved her and forgave her was gone. In less than 24 hours they'd confessed their fears and their desires. They'd rested in each others arms and came alive under the others touch. They loved each other in every sense of the word. She smiled at her attempt to label what they were earlier. It was simple. They were each others One. They belonged together.


	5. Chapter 5 - Family

**A/N: Continually blown away by the support. Thank you! This is my first time ever attempting to capture characters that are not Myka/Helena/Claudia. Not totally confident in how it turned out, so would LOVE LOVE LOVE constructive feedback. Thank you for sticking with me! **

Chapter 5: The Family

Myka made her way downstairs and took a quick note on the location of the other B&B occupants. Claudia was in the dining room, laptop open, headphones on, head down, completely focused on the task before her. Steve and Pete were in the living room engaged in some sort of shoot em up video game. For all they saw in their daily lives, Myka could not understand how it was possible for the two of them to "relax" by blowing things up on the tv, but it seemed to work for them. Obviously they'd had no pings, or the house wouldn't have been so full. It appeared as though Artie was holding down the fort at the Warehouse, giving the agents a day off, as Abigail was also home and outside watering the various flower pots and plants around the garden. Looking to her friends, Myka easily decided to let them be a while longer and headed out the door to say hi to Abigail first.

She walked out onto the patio and down into the garden, relishing the smell of fresh air on this hot summer day. Abigail noticed her approach and greeted her with a smile.

"How are the plants surviving this heat?" Myka inquired.

"Well, Mrs Frederick failed to inform me that having a green thumb was going to be part of my new job. I'm more of a... chia pet kind of person. But I suppose like anything around here, we adjust to new circumstances and move on." Abigail was not one to beat around the bush about anything. "So how are you adjusting to having Helena here?"

Myka laughed at the not so discreet segue. "Well, you definitely have the direct approach down." She paused before formulating the answer to the actual question in her head. She was learning to trust Abigail as a part of their Warehouse family, but the fact that she was a psychologist still left her feeling the need to filter her answers on a regular basis.

"I'm glad she's back." She was a little guarded in her response, but opted to continue when Abigail said nothing. "We have so much history, God knows it's never been easy between us, but I need her here right now. Contrary to our track record... her and I together... it's a good thing. A really good thing." She shoved her hands in the back pockets of her jeans, nervous about her own response, although she wasn't sure why.

She was more than relieved to have Helena back in her life, but she wasn't sure how the rest of the team would take to the new state of their relationship. Obviously they had Claudia's full support, but that left her to wonder about the others. She figured Steve would be fine. He hadn't experienced the first time Helena was in their life, and reading something in a report wasn't the same. She knew Artie would be, well, Artie. After the last year they'd had together he seemed to soften a bit. Maybe it was Vanessa's influence. Maybe it was the work he was doing with Abigail. But whatever it was, she felt he would grumble and say it didn't matter, but that they would secretly have his support.

And then there was Pete. She knew he was going to be fiercely protective of her, and she loved him for it. They had never talked about her feelings for Helena, but he obviously knew they existed. Especially after she left the Warehouse the first time Helena broke her heart. But in Helena's defense, Pete also knew she was the reason Myka came back. The reason he got his partner back. It seemed like after the Sykes incident he was willing to forgive her, but after watching Myka breakdown in the car on the way out of Boone, she couldn't be so sure again. Only time would tell.

She turned back to Abigail realizing that she had been completely wrapped up in her own thoughts and that the new inn keeper simply let her be, returning her own attention to watering the plants.

"Sorry, I guess I zoned out there for a bit." she said, acknowledging her prolonged silence.

Abigail smiled in response before speaking. "Well, you know, it's not like you don't have a few things on your mind these days. I'm pretty sure you're entitled to zone out on occasion. But please don't forget, if you ever want to talk, it's part of why I'm here."

"Part of?" Myka was curious since she was pretty much brought on as their live-in shrink.

"You know, the other part being 'don't kill the plants.'" she joked, gesturing with the hose as she moved it to the next round of pots.

Before Myka could respond she continued. "But seriously, for what it's worth. I think if Helena being here makes you happy, than it is the right thing. And you shouldn't worry about the rest of the team. They want you to be happy too. Especially Pete."

Myka was a little taken aback at Abigail's insight into her thoughts, but couldn't help but acknowledge the truth in her statement. "Thank you. I hope you're right."

Nodding back towards the sliding glass door, Abigail replied "I guess we're about to find out, huh?"

Myka followed the woman's gaze to the glass door, where she saw Helena turn the corner and head into the living room. She watched Pete rise and approach Helena with a bit of caution. He extended his hand out "Hey HG, it's good to have you back." he stated as she took his offered hand.

Helena willed herself to not look as nervous as she felt, meeting Pete's eyes in a level stare. "Thanks Pete, I'm grateful Claudia got in touch with me." She winced at her own words, hoping he didn't think that she meant he should have called her instead. It wasn't her intention to rock whatever peace they could find between them.

Myka made her way back into the house, noticing that the others quickly joined around Pete and Helena. She over heard Pete talking as she approached the group, but hung back out of sight just a little.

"Yeah, it's good she got you back here. I mean you are back, right? To stay?" All he could focus on was how crushed Myka would be if Helena left again. "Because if you're not, then you better..."

"Pete." she interrupted. "I assure you, I am here to stay." She tried to calm his big brother speech a bit. "Even if the Regents decide I will not be working for the Warehouse again, I am not going anywhere." Looking at Pete he was not convinced. "I hear Univille is a great little town to settle down in." she tried to lighten the mood a bit, but also hoped that she could say something that would indicate to Pete she would do whatever it takes to be near Myka.

Unfortunately Pete wasn't up for light comments right now. This was Myka. This was serious. "So for sure. You're staying." he clarified one more time, an edge to his voice.

Helena placed a hand on Pete's arm before responding. "Pete, I swear to you, I'm not going to hurt her again. I will do everything in my power to keep her safe and to make sure that she is happy and loved."

"She is loved, Helena. She has a family here who loves her. And who has her back. And who has been here the whole time." Pete stated a bit more defensively than he intended.

"I know." Helena's head dropped as she continued. "As I told Myka, if there was anything I could do to make up for my foolish absence, I would. I'm sorry I was gone. I'm sorry I didn't come back sooner. But all I can do is be here now."

She looked up at Pete one more time before stepping back and addressing not just him but Claudia and Steve who she had momentarily forgotten were also in the room. "I realize that I don't have to just earn Myka's trust back, I have to earn all of yours. You are her family. And if I thought for a moment that my presence here would cause her any harm, I... I wouldn't put her through that again. I swear to you. At some point, I hope you will believe me."

Helena trailed off and Myka took that moment to rejoin the group. Maybe she should have come to Helena's defense earlier, but she knew Pete needed to hear the words from Helena, not her. And she knew Helena needed to have a voice where the group was concerned.

As she approached them Helena's back was to her so she wrapped her arms around the smaller woman and pulled her in close to her from behind. Helena's arms instantly wrapped over hers, squeezing tightly. Placing her head on the other woman's shoulder Myka took a calming breath soaking in the other woman's sweet sent before speaking. "I believe you." she whispered into the other woman's ear.

Helena turned her head slightly and brushed a kiss over Myka's lips. "Thank you."

It was Steve who broke the tension in the room. "For what it's worth H.G., I know you're telling the truth. And it's good to have you here."

Helena smiled at the statement, realizing that she was simply speaking from her heart, completely forgetting there was a human lie detector in the room.

Pete took a moment to take in the sight of the two women before him. More importantly, to take in Myka, and how calm and relaxed she looked. The woman was about to have surgery tomorrow and then had to undergo God knows what kind of treatment in the coming months. But standing there, wrapped around the woman she loves, because there was no doubt they completely loved each other, she looked happy. And as protective as he wanted to be, and as angry as he felt for past actions, her current happiness had to count for something. He owed it to her to to allow her every moment of it she could find, because she deserved it, and because none of them knew how many more opportunities would be coming her way.

"Ok." he finally conceded. "Good enough for me. Welcome home HG." He said. He walked past them, patting Helena's arm, before turning to Abigail and not so gracefully changing the topic. "Abigail, I know you've been hiding the rest of the cookies around here somewhere. Time to come clean!"

Pete and the others made their way towards the kitchen, giving the women a moment to themselves.

Myka turned Helena around in her arms, kissed her firmly, and then pulled back to speak. "Looks to me like you handled Pete pretty well there." she smiled.

"He loves you." She sighed, secretly feeling an ounce of jealousy over just how much Pete had been there for, all of which she had missed. "I must admit I completely understand where he's coming from. If our roles were reversed I don't believe I would have been as understanding."

"He will always be my partner, and with that comes all of his over protective big brother qualities. But he gets it Helena. He gets that I need you. And he will be ok." she reassured, having sensed the acceptance coming from Pete by the end of their discussion.

Helena was not as convinced. "And if he doesn't believe me?"

"He will." she stated absolutely. Smiling she added "But if he doesn't, I'll hide all his comic books and take away all his cookies until he does."

Helena couldn't help but laugh, and then leaned forward to peck Myka on the lips.

"Alright love birds, break it up." She heard Pete call out as he re-entered the room, cookies in hand. Myka laughed and the two took a step apart. "So Mykes, about your appointment later..." Pete started to speak as he took a seat in the living room. Myka and Helena kept their hands locked as they made their way to the couch.

"Right," Myka sighed. "Appointment." She wanted nothing more than to ignore the reality of the rest of the day a little longer, but that was not going to happen.

Pete heard Myka's hesitation in her voice and continued. "Look, I know now that I was going to... You know... If you want Helena too...:"

Myka took a deep breath and cut off Pete. "Pete, I would appreciate if you would take us to the appointment. Yes, Helena is going to come along too, but seriously, I want you to be there, if you'll go?"

Pete sighed in relief at still being allowed to support Myka, even though Helena was around now. He nodded "Yeah, Mykes, of course I'll take you guys."

"Thanks." Myka smiled over at him. "We should leave soon. I just need to run upstairs and grab my stuff."

B&W~~B&W~~B&W~~B&W~~B&W

Upstairs Helena followed Myka into her bedroom and quietly closed the door behind her, quickly wrapping the other woman in a hug from behind. "Darling, as much as I want to be there for you, I will understand if you want to just go with Pete..."

Myka turned around kissing Helena softly to stop her from speaking. "No. I really need you to be there. Both of you."

"Alright then." Helena said and the women disengaged from each other to gather their things together. "So what type of appointment is this?"

Myka let out a long breath before speaking. She should have told Helena where she was at with her treatment sooner, but given the whirlwind of emotions over less than 24 hours, she really hadn't wanted to bring it up. She put her bag on her shoulder and turned to face Helena before speaking. "I have ovarian cancer. The first step in my treatment plan is for me to have a hysterectomy. Today's appointment is my pre-op check in. If all is what they expect, I have to have surgery tomorrow. They also want to talk about post surgery treatment options, radiation, chemo..." she let out a long shaky breath as her sentence trailed off.

Helena was a little shocked at the reality of the situation, but did her best to take it in stride. "Ok. One step at a time, my love. Surgery tomorrow is enough to focus on for now." she placed a comforting hand on Myka's arm.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. It wasn't that I didn't want to. I was just enjoying being with you. I didn't want to ruin it with awful details of everything that was coming up." Myka confessed.

"It's fine. I can't even imagine the amount of information you must have running through that brain of yours." She commented as she pushed a lock of curly hair behind Myka's ear. "Whatever you need to tell me, whenever you need to tell me, is fine. You don't owe me explanations." Helena spoke in a reassuring tone, letting Myka know that she wasn't upset about the 11th hour news.

The calmness in Helena's voice allowed Myka to continue. "My surgeon is Dr. Ashley Moore. Vanessa will be there as well, but she's not operating. I just figured with the amount of whammying that has happened, it'd be good to have her around."

Helena smiled. "That seems logical. I'm glad she'll be there. Shall we go see the good Doctor then?" She extended her hand out to Myka and they made their way back downstairs, knowing if they didn't head out soon they would be late.

Pete was patiently waiting for them by the door. "All set?"

"As ready as I'll ever be." Myka replied, but failed to take a step forward.

Pete turned to head out while Helena placed a hand on her lower back and guided her forward. "We'll be right there the whole time darling. I promise. One step at a time."

Myka didn't respond, letting herself be led out the door. She had been happy the last day. Really freakin happy. She had Helena and her family around her. Everything hurt a little less. Everything made her smile a little more. Now reality burst through her bubble and the upcoming chaos was all she could focus on. She was terrified. Of surgery. Of treatment. Of being weak. Of letting Helena down.

She tried to focus on Helena's words. One step at a time, with Helena by her side the entire way. She could do this. She had to do this.

She slid into the backseat next to Helena, Pete not commenting on the abandoned passenger side seat. He could tell Helena's physical connection to Myka was the only thing motivating her to go through with this appointment. He was pretty sure if Helena hadn't showed, she would have come up with a hundred excuses to put it off one more time. But the reality was she'd put off treatment long enough, and whatever it took to get her healthy, he would support it. He glanced at the two women in the rear view mirror as he headed out from the B&B, hands locked, Myka's head resting on Helena's shoulder. And for the first time since Myka told him the news, he really, truly, believed she was going to be ok. Those two had overcome so damn much to be together. They would get through this as well. No doubt.


	6. Chapter 6 - Kids

**A/N: Sorry for the delay! A wicked cold had me put the story on hold, but hopefully I'll be back to updating every few days again. Thanks for sticking with it! Reviews of all types are always welcome. Obviously I own nothing or HG would have been by Myka's side in the finale. **

**Chapter 6: Kids**

Returning back to the B&B after meeting with Dr. Moore, Myka was exhausted. Their conversation had taken a toll on her both physically and emotionally. She'd barely made it through the front door when she was approached by Claudia. The young woman had nothing but concerned etched across her face, and Myka felt the need to stay strong for her so she quickly pulled her into a hug.

"How did it go?" Claudia asked, taking a step back.

Myka wanted nothing more than to head upstairs, curl up with the woman she loved and live in a world where tomorrow never had to come. But that would have to wait. She needed to fill the team in on what the coming days would look like.

"It was fine Claud." Myka tried to reassure. "Come on, let's talk inside." she said as she gestured toward living room. Pete followed behind Claudia but Helena grabbed a hold of Myka's hand and held her back, gently tugging until Myka turned around and took a step back towards her, filling each others personal space.

"You know darling, you do not need to go through this all again right now. I know that was draining and I'm sure you just want to rest. If you want, I can go talk to Claudia and Steve and then meet you upstairs."

Myka looked down at their joined hands and couldn't help but smile at Helena's offer. "Have you always been this good at reading my mind?" she asked with a smile. "Honestly, I wish we could just go lie down together, but I need to be the one to let them know what's going on. I kept things from them too often in the beginning. I owe it to them." she concluded.

"They would understand." Helena insisted.

"I know they would. But it's not fair. Just... stay close by?" she asked.

"Of course." Helena promised.

The two made their way into the living room where Steve, Pete, and Claudia were sitting. Myka and Helena joined Claudia on the couch where Claudia was the first to break the silence.

"Look Myka..." she started uneasily. "I don't want to pry... I know this is your business... and I know it's super selfish of me... but I'm kind of freaking out here... and..."

Myka interrupted "It's ok Claud." she said, resting a hand on the younger woman's knee. "I get it. I can't even imagine if our situations were reversed." she started. "Thank God they're not" she mumbled under her breath, shuddering at the idea of this reality being forced on any of her family. She felt Helena place a hand on her lower back which gave her the strength to continue.

"I wish I could tell you something for sure. Honestly, I wish they could have told me something for sure. But they're not going to know much more until I have surgery tomorrow. A lot of it will be exploratory. They go in, look for cancer, remove what they can find, wherever they can, and close me back up. We won't know how bad it is until after it's over. I'll be in the hospital for at least two days after the surgery and there will probably be two weeks before I start chemo, if I start chemo..." she sighed in resignation at how frustrating the situation was.

Helena picked up where Myka left off, knowing that Myka needed a break from explaining. "After the surgery they'll recommend the next round of treatment options. We got a ton of information on the possibilities and I think Pete described it best as 'information overload.' So really, like Myka said, there is no way of knowing anything else until after the surgery."

Claudia looked like she had a ton of questions, but noticing the exhausted look and Myka's eyes, she kept them to herself. "Ok, we wait til tomorrow."

"Yes." Myka replied, "There isn't anything to do tonight except for have some dinner and relax. Tomorrow will be here soon enough."

"Well," Pete interrupted, trying to lighten the mood. "I always like the idea of eating. Ooh, and a movie! Let's order some pizza and Myka, you can pick..."

"Unfortunately movie night is not going to happen." Artie spoke up as he walked into the room, file folder in hand. "We have a ping. Steve and Pete, grab your bags, you're heading to Seattle." he said while handing the folder to Steve.

Pete wanted to protest and Myka could see the words forming before he even spoke. "Pete, don't worry about it. Go."

He turned to look at her "Mykes, are you..."

"Yes, I'm sure. Go. It's obviously important or Artie wouldn't be sending you." she rationalized.

Artie took that moment to speak up on his own behalf. "She's right Pete. If it could wait, I would wait, but you know how these things work." he spoke sadly, really wishing he could keep the family together right now.

"Ok." He said as he stood. He approached Myka and pulled her up into a hug. "Tomorrow is going to go just fine. I know it. Have Helena or Claud call us when you know more?" he asked, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice over not being there.

Myka spoke quietly into the hug, again recognizing that she kept her family in the dark too long when this all started. "Of course. No secrets anymore. I promise."

**B&W~B&W~B&W~B&W~B&W**

Pete and Steve quickly packed and departed and after sharing a light meal with Artie, Claudia, and Abigail, Helena and Myka made their way upstairs for the night.

The two women were curled up together in bed, silently absorbing each others warmth and relaxing into the presence of the other person. Myka was curled into Helena's side, with Helena's arm wrapped protectively around her. A position that was becoming very familiar for the two women, and brought them both an enormous amount of comfort.

However physically close they were, both women were consumed with their own thoughts, which were on completely different topics.

Helena was running through every fact and statistic she had heard today as she absently traced patterns on Myka's back. She was working out possibilities and next steps in her head, even given all the uncertainty. She was a scientist and couldn't help her brain from going that direction.

Myka on the other hand was completely lost in thought around the idea of family. All forms of it. Her parents. Her biological siblings. Her adopted siblings in Pete and Claudia. Helena. Their future. Would they have a future family?

She had never thought much about her future or having her own growing family before. Her life was pretty hectic both as a Secret Service agent and even more so now as a Warehouse Agent. When she was with Sam, the idea of having kids was the furthest from either of their minds. Since joining the Warehouse, relationships were nowhere to be found in her life. And she was ok with that. She loved her work and her newly formed circle of friends, and she was content. There was always time for a family later.

She held onto that belief for a long time. Even when she allowed her feelings to develop for Helena, the likelihood of them ever becoming anything more seemed like nothing more than a dream. If they couldn't even be together, they obviously would not be starting a family together. It wasn't until she saw Helena with Adelaide that she realized no matter how hard her past life had been, even someone with Helena's previous pain and heartache still saw the benefit of having a child. And as wrong as the situation had been for Helena, and as painful as it had been for Myka to watch, she couldn't help but look on in amazement at the change in Helena at being in a mother's role again. That moved something inside of her that she had yet to even put words on, let alone process.

And then reality came crashing down. And regardless of whatever she felt before about kids and family and the woman she was now curled up with, all she could currently feel was incredibly sad that all of a sudden the option to be a mom was completely out of her control. She shuddered a little at the thought and felt Helena hold her tighter to her, placing a kiss on her head.

"I won't be able to have kids." Myka spoke quietly, barely realizing she had said the words aloud. She wrapped her arm a little tighter around the waist under her.

Helena did not miss a beat, quickly transitioning from her own thoughts to those of her partners. "Maybe not biologically, but you can still be a mother. If that is something you want." It had come up briefly at the doctor's office and Helena had a feeling that it was weighing on Myka's mind, so she had not been caught off guard by the topic.

Myka lifted her head at the comment, trying to gauge Helena's reaction. This was crazy. They'd been together for a day. Was she really going to approach the kid conversation right now? Looking into Helena's eyes, she saw nothing but concern and love. Even if this wasn't currently about them starting a family, because that _was_ too soon, Myka could see that Helena was more than ready to be a friend and talk through this with her. Maybe that was all she really needed right now.

Lowering her head back down to the chest below her, she started speaking in nothing more than a whisper. "I always assumed I'd have time to figure out what I wanted where kids were concerned. That eventually the situation would present itself and I would just know, 'hey, I want to be a mom.'" she sighed, wondering how to continue. "In 31 years I have not had that desire, but I always figured it would come. At the right time, when I was with the right person, when I hadn't been whammied..." she trailed off cringing at the memory of Pete accidentally wishing her pregnant.

"Why do I feel like there is a story behind that?" Helena inquired.

Myka chuckled despite the severity of the topic and the horrid memory of that day. "It was a while back, a wishing artifact. Unfortunately this time Pete touching things without gloves got me pregnant..."

"Pete got you pregnant!?" Helena could not suppress the the rise in her voice.

"Nothing like what you're thinking." Myka calmed the older woman. "Honestly at the time it freaked me out more than I expected. Now I can't help but be sad to know that was the only time I'll ever have had that feeling."

Helena thought back to her own time being pregnant, giving birth, holding her daughter for the first time. Losing Christina was the hardest thing she'd ever gone through, but growing and bringing a child into the world was a beautiful experience and Helena was saddened that on top of everything else this was also being taken away from Myka. However she knew without a doubt that if becoming a parent was what Myka wanted, then it would happen and that Myka would be a phenomenal mother.

Myka continued to speak, sniffing quietly as she did. "I knew this was going to be physically challenging. Surgery, chemo, whatever the hell else they throw at me. I know that the next few months could kill me, literally. But I wasn't prepared for this part. I wasn't ready to think about getting through it, and then still having things that I still can't do. That my body wasn't going to simply going to shut down for the time being. Parts of me are shutting down for good."

Although she'd been holding Myka close and tracing circles on her back while they spoke, Helena took this opportunity to slide down on her side in front of Myka so they were facing each other. She caught the tears in Myka's eyes and reached up to gently stroke the younger woman's cheek. "I wish I could take all this pain and sadness away. I wish I could kiss you and tell you everything is going to be fine. But even if I can't do or say that, there is one thing that I absolutely know for a fact." she stated resolutely. "You, Myka Bering, are the strongest woman that I have ever met. And when the time is right, you will be an incredible mother. However that child comes into your life, they will be the most fortunate child ever, because you have so much love and goodness in you. And you will give over every part of your heart to that child, and they will feel it, and be safe, and protected. And they will know that you are their mother, regardless of whose body brought them into this world. There is an indescribable bond between a mother and child, and you will have that bond with another living soul. You will, because frankly, biology is irrelevant when it comes to these things."

At Helena's words, Myka couldn't hold back the flow of tears. She wanted to believe everything Helena said, but she still needed to mourn the loss of a feeling she would never know.

Helena hooked her arm over Myka's waist and pulled their bodies even closer together. "Trust me."

Myka took a minute to gather herself together again before she continued to speak. "Thank you. I want to believe you. I want to trust you. It's just so... God I don't even know the words." she admitted. It was all so overwhelming.

"You don't need words darling. They rarely do justice to something as complicated as parenting anyway. You are allowed to just feel." Helena spoke softly, her own feelings towards being a mom evident in her voice.

Myka picked up on the hitch in her voice and instantly felt bad for not thinking about how bringing up children would make Helena miss Christina. "God Helena, I'm sorry if all this is making you think of Christina." she stated sincerely.

"I am never sorry to think about Christina." Helena reassured. "She was amazing, and if there is one thing I've realized through all these ups and downs, it was that I was blessed to have her in my life for the time that I did." She spoke with so much conviction that this was true, that Myka marveled just a little at how far Helena had truly come. "I wish you could have met her Myka. She would have loved you."

Myka smiled at the thought of a mini-Helena in the world. "I'm sure she was an amazing child, and that you were an equally amazing mother." She completed her statement by placing a solid kiss to the lips of the woman in front of her, before rolling onto her back and tugging the Helena on top of her.

After a few moments passed, and realizing that Helena was in fact in a healthy state of mind, Myka couldn't help but ask "Do you ever think about having another child?" She was curious to know if having a relationship with someone like Adelaide was enough, or if Helena wanted to raise a child again.

"I hadn't for a very long time. But as you said, if the timing is right, and my partner agrees, then yes, I would consider it." Helena replied honestly. In her heart she knew it would only be with Myka. And the idea alone brought a smile to her face.

"Can I confess something?" Myka asked shyly.

Helena propped herself up so she could look Myka in the eyes. "Of course, darling."

Myka pushed a strand of hair out of Helena's face and then cupped her chin. "Watching you with Nate was one of the most painful experiences ever. But watching you with Adelaide? Watching bad-ass H.G. Wells love and teach this incredible little girl? That was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. I think I fell in love with you even more that day. And when I told you to stay, it was because I wanted you to have that. And now? We may never have that, and I am so sorry if you gave that up for me."

Now it was Helena's turn to tear up at the truth behind Myka's insistence that she make it work with Nate. God this woman was selfless. She leaned forward and kissed Myka again. Words completely escaped her, so instead she poured all the love she felt for this woman into the kiss.

When they broke apart Helena finally was able to gather her thoughts. "You are the only person I want to share that with. When the timing is right, when you are healthy, when... we've been together for more than 24 hours." she chuckled at her own comment before turning serious again "Being here with you is the only thing I need. I gave up nothing. I gained everything." and she leaned in for another kiss that left no doubt in either woman's minds that they are exactly where they needed to be.

The need for air eventually pulled them apart again but the look in both of their eyes was evidence enough that the topic at hand would be saved for another day. They in fact had far more pressing needs to attend to.

Helena leaned forward and whispered into Myka's ear "I do believe you promised to 'make it up to me' for not allowing me to shower with you this morning." She emphasized her statement by nipping at Myka's pulse point before continuing. "I do believe it is time for me to collect." Her hand slowly made it's way under Myka's shirt and she felt the younger woman arch into her touch.

Myka's head was still spinning. What she could offer Helena versus what Helena deserved weighed heavy on her mind and she was conflicted. But as Helena's hand inched further up her body, she realized that none of that mattered right now. Helena chose to be here, with her. And if her body was going to betray her in the worse possible way tomorrow, she was going to cherish every moment she had with her love tonight.

Wiping all thoughts from her mind she effortlessly flipped them over so she was hovering over Helena, grinning down at the look of surprise on the inventors face. "I do believe you are correct." she whispered to the woman before her before lowering her body. Tomorrow would come no matter what. Tonight was theirs.


	7. Chapter 7 - Surgery

**A/N: A bit of a longer chapter. Hope you enjoy! You guys are amazing with your feedback! Thank you so much. Disclaimer: I do not own W13 or B&W. Just playing with them for a while.**

**Chapter 7: Surgery**

If there was one thing Myka had learned as an agent, it was that whenever there was a time she woke up without any idea of where she was or how she got there, her best option was to not move much until she could take in her physical state and her surroundings. And although she had not been zapped by an artifact and was not being held hostage at this very moment, her training served her well.

She slowly opened her eyes and took in her location. Hospital bed. Definitely. There was an annoying beep coming from her rihjt, and her entire body ached. Abrupt moving would definitely be a bad option. But God she was thirsty. She turned her head from side to side, looking for water, and noticed a pitcher sitting on the side table. It wasn't until she tried to lift her arm to help pull herself into a sitting position that she realized it was weighted down by something. Looking down, she took in the form of Helena, sitting in a chair next to her bed, body slumped forward and her head resting on their interlocked hands.

Lifting her other hand and bringing it across her body, she gently ran her fingers through the head of hair at her side. She felt Helena stir, and then watched as she slowly lifted her head and blinked her way back into consciousness. When their eyes met, she used all of her strength to grit through her growing pain and manage a smile for the woman at her side.

"Hi."

Helena returned the smile and added a squeeze to her lovers hand before a quick exchange of whispered words were spoken.

"You're awake."

"You're here."

"Of course. Wild horses couldn't have pulled me away." Helena spoke with pure honesty in her voice.

"Thank you." Myka replied sincerely.

"How are you feeling? Do you need anything?"

"I'm thirsty. And everything... aches." Myka acknowledged.

Helena pulled her hand back and moved to the table to pour some water. She handed the cup to Myka who had moved into a slightly more upright position, grimacing as she did. "Sip, slowly."

Myka took the cup and did as instructed, sighing in relief as it soothed her dry throat. Helena gently propped herself up on the edge of the bed, being sure not to jostle, and reached out to tuck some hair behind Myka's ear. She let her hand trail down the side of Myka's face and leaned forward to place the softest of kisses on her lips. Pulling back she said "Let me call the nurse so they can bring you more pain medicine."

"Not yet." Myka pleaded. She didn't want to go back to sleep yet, and she knew that's what the pain meds would do. "Just... do that again."

Helena leaned in again, holding their lips together longer, pouring every ounce of comfort she could into the kiss they shared. When it ended she smiled at the woman in front of her "Better?"

"Much." Myka closed her eyes and leaned back into the pillow behind her.

"Good. However, I still need to call your nurse. I am under strict instructions that as long as I was going to break visiting hour rules, I had to call them as soon as you awoke." Helena admitted.

"Ok." Myka sounded resigned, but she could not deny that being in less pain sounded good right about now.

Helena pressed the call button, and then picked up Myka's hand again, caressing the back of her hand and up and down her arm while the younger woman kept her eyes closed.

Myka did not open her eyes, but spoke up before she was completely lulled back to sleep by the feel of Helena's hand. "Thank you for not letting them make you leave... I'm sure it was quite the... scene. But I can't imagine waking up without you right here." she finished exhausted.

"I would never have let that happen, love. And you know me... always looking for the chance to break rules." She smiled at the words and Myka could feel her body relax even more.

She knew she would fall back to sleep quickly, especially once the pain meds arrived, so she needed to ask now. "How did everything go?" She knew Helena would be filled in on how the surgery went. During yesterday's appointment after having to repeatedly inform various doctors that yes, they were allowed to speak in front of Helena, she realized she needed to do something about that in case she wasn't there to say so. It was her Warehouse family who was going to be there through all this, and it was Helena who she trusted to make any and all decisions in the event she couldn't. So having signed medical power of attorney docs and disclosure documents with the hospital, Helena would be in the loop on everything.

Helena hesitated at first but knew Myka needed information. So she tried to stick to the facts. "It was fine. According to the doctor, you'll be out of here in a few days." she tried to reassure. Noting the look on Myka's face, she knew this wasn't the information she was looking for.

"There was nothing unexpected during the surgery. It went well. Vanessa was in the room with you the entire time to make sure you had no 'artifacty' side effects to any parts of the procedure or the anesthetic, but it all went fine." She looked to Myka as if to ask if she wanted her to continue and when she got a nod in return, she did. "They had to remove both ovaries as well as your uterus. They found tumors throughout and although they did their best to remove everything, Dr. Moore still believes that you will need to go through multiple rounds of chemo in the very near future." she finished with a sigh.

The tears that were on the brink of spilling then started to stream down Myka's face. And it frustrated her. She knew this was the most likely outcome. They'd said they wouldn't have an idea of how far the cancer had spread until the surgery. This was not quite worse case, but it felt pretty damn close. They'd talked about it extensively yesterday at her appointment and she'd known the likelihood they'd remove as much as they did. She'd cried into Helena's shoulder the night before because the reality was just too overwhelming. She thought she was cried out. Apparently she was wrong.

Knowing that it may hurt Myka to be hugged right now, Helena placed her hand behind the other woman's neck and brought their foreheads together. She used her free hand to brush some of Myka's tears away, realizing that her own were joining in as well. "You're going to get through this darling." she whispered to the woman before her.

Before she could say more, the nurse chose that moment to walk in. After giving a quick glance at the two women in front of her, she silently moved around to the other side of the bed to note Myka's vitals.

"Ms Bering, how are you feeling?" the nurse inquired as she started organizing something that would go in her IV.

Even if she wanted to, there was no point in hiding anything. She let Helena pull back as she sniffed and controlled her tears before replying "Everything hurts." And it did. Her body, her mind, her soul all ached.

The nurse nodded in acknowledgement and then stated kindly "Well, this should take care of any lingering pain for the time being. It'll take about 5 minutes to kick in completely and you should be resting comfortably. It's 2:30 in the morning now, and the next time you wake up Dr. Moore will be here to check in on you."

Myka simply closed her eyes and nodded, so it was Helena who replied with a "Thank you." although she never let her eyes leave the form of the woman in front of her. After injecting the meds into the IV, the nurse cleaned up and walked back around the bed, placing a gentle hand on Helena's shoulder.

She spoke quietly "You know, these beds are a little tight, and she can't move around much, but I've known a couple or two who have managed to work out the details. I trust you can keep her safe and comfortable at the same time. It'll help you both sleep." With that the nurse exited the room, not waiting for a reply.

Without saying anything Myka did her best to slide her body sideways so Helena could squeeze in next to her. Moving anything in her ab region sent shocks of pain through her body, but it was worth it. She felt Helena slip in next to her and wrap an arm over her shoulder. She dropped her head to Helena's chest without turning her body too much and absorbed all the warmth she could from that woman next to her. It was a little awkward, but she needed to be as close as possible so she would take it.

She felt Helena drop a kiss on to the top of her head "Sleep now, I'll be here when you awake."

**B&W~B&W~B&W~B&W**

As predicted by the nurse, when Myka awoke the second time, she was almost instantly greeted by Dr. Moore. She was still groggy but was able to stay awake long enough to have a conversation with the doctor about the next steps. Helena did not move from Myka's side as the doctor recapped the surgery and then went into more detail about when they would have the remaining biopsy results back and how those results would have an affect on what her chemo treatment would look like. Although they removed a significant amount of the main tumor, and subsequent smaller tumors, there were areas on her pelvis that had the doctor concerned and they needed to begin chemo soon.

They also spoke briefly of when Myka could return home. Although realistically Dr. Moore would have preferred Myka stay in the hospital for at least two more days, she was also well aware that the upcoming months were going to be taxing for her, and that she'd want to be away from the hospital as soon as possible. Myka and Helena pleaded their case, knowing that chemo started in less than 10 days and Myka needed to gain as much strength back as possible before then. The doctor was convinced that with Dr. Calder being in house, Myka could recover at home, however she still insisted on at least two days before that happened.

Before their conversation was even over, Myka felt herself drifting back to sleep, and was content to let Helena finish the conversation with the doctor on her behalf.

The third time Myka awoke, she was far less disoriented, but this time saddened to realize that she was no longer lying with Helena. She absently reached out to find the other half of the bed empty, but was calmed when she recognized the british accent coming from the other side of the room. Still too groggy to open her eyes completely, she did her best to make sense of the conversation being had around her.

"The doctor still wants her here for two more days, but I'm hoping we can convince her otherwise. She wants to get out of here and I know it'll be good for her. The only problem I see is she's going to be stubborn enough to want to get to her room, but she shouldn't be taking stairs yet..." Helena sighed, realizing that Myka was not going to be asking for help, but that her body wasn't ready to tackle some things on her own just yet.

A gentle hand was placed on Helena's shoulder and the other person in the room spoke. "It's been taken care of. We converted the study into a room for her. We put a bed in there and added some things she may want from her room. Claudia picked out 'the essentials.'" She spoke, using air quotes to emphasize Claudia's idea of what Myka would need. "We figured with Claudia's suggestions and the amount of books alone down there, she might be tempted to not stray too far."

"At least for the first few days." Helena agreed with a shake of her head. If their positions were reversed she knew there would be no keeping her off her feet, damn the circumstances. She knew Myka was not much different from her in that respect, and that getting the agent to spend time recuperating before the next round of treatment was going to be a challenge.

"We also authorized Claudia to set her up with access to all the Warehouse computer files directly from the B&B. That way, she'll be able to help out with research when she's ready." Jane gave Helena a look knowing what she was thinking. Myka would jump right back into work, potentially risking her recovery, if it was easy for her to do so. She nodded at Helena's unspoken words and continued. "I told Claudia not to set it up until at least the end of the week. I figure a little forced recovery time is good before she tries jumping back into work."

"Thank you." Helena replied sincerely. "I think that will really help her, and the new room should help convince her doctor that a home recovery is her best option."

"Mind if I join this conversation?" Myka asked from the bed, slowly opening her eyes to look at the two occupants of the room. She didn't catch everything being said, but she knew she was the topic of conversation, and that unsettled her a little, so she wanted to put an end to it as soon as possible.

Helena quickly moved to Myka's side, picking up her hand as she spoke. "Darling, how are you feeling?"

"I would have preferred waking up next to you." Myka admitted honestly. "And without people talking about me." she sighed and then whispered "But I'm glad you're still here." Remembering the other person in the room, Myka turned her attention away from Helena. "Hi Jane."

Jane approached the bed slowly, moving around to the opposite side that Helena was on. "Hi Myka, it's good to see you awake. I'm sorry to pull Helena away from you, but we didn't want to wake you before you were ready."

Truthfully if there was going to be a regent in her room when she woke up, Myka was grateful that it was Jane and no one else. Myka quickly realized that she wasn't speaking as a regent, or even as a friend, but as a mother looking out for one of her own. Her connection to Pete, and her obvious concern put Myka at ease.

There was something in Jane's look that made Myka believe there was more to her visit then a simple check in though. "Not that I'm not glad to see you Jane, but where's Pete? I kind of figured he'd be here."

Jane hesitated before responding. "He is still in Seattle with Steve. And let me tell you, he's more than a little pissed off about it. The retrieval had a few... hiccups."

Myka was immediately concerned. There was nothing simple about their job, and she hated not being out in the field to have her partner's back. "Are they ok?" she asked with a slight panic in her voice.

"Yes, they're physically fine, if not a little drained. He's been calling and checking in every couple hours and I'm sure it's only a matter of time before he's driving you and Helena crazy. I told him I would come 'play mom' until he could get back and keep him up to date if anything changes. Hopefully that will let him focus on the retrieval and get back as soon as possible."

Extremely worried about overstepping her bounds, Jane continued. "Look Myka, I know you are in perfectly good hands" she looked to Helena as she spoke. "And you don't need or necessarily want me mothering you. But if there is anything I can do to help, other than keeping my over protective and worrisome son out of your hair, please let me know."

"Thank you. I appreciate you being here. Pete's a great partner and he's not overprotective. Just... worried. I feel bad for having left him out of the loop for so long, so if you being here makes him feel better, that's fine."

Jane placed a hand on Myka's shoulder before she spoke. "You have nothing to feel bad for sweetie. You just need to focus on getting better right now." she replied sincerely.

Helena took that moment to cut in, squeezing Myka's hand and bringing her attention back around. "Jane and Claudia turned the study into a room for you so that you can hopefully get out of here soon. With no stairs to deal with now, I'm hoping we can talk Dr. Moore into letting you head home later today."

Myka rested her head back and closed her eyes. She'd only been in the hospital for 24 hours, but the thought of going home was so damn appealing. She felt like she was destined to spend months in this place, so any moment away would be cherished. "What's this I heard about Claudia going through my stuff?" she asked with a small chuckle.

Jane laughed at the question thinking back to Claudia's insistence in arranging the room. "Right, well she wanted to make sure you felt as comfortable as possible in the study, so she tried to bring anything downstairs she thought you might want. I'm not totally sure about her selections... but her heart is in the right place."

"I can only imagine what she thought was important. But I'm sure it's perfect. I can't wait to get out of here..." she commented, and then turned as she heard the click of the door and saw Dr. Moore make her way inside.

"Hi Doc... Good timing. We were just talking about me going home." Myka spoke with more optimism in her voice than she actually felt. Helena took the chance to prop herself onto the bed next to Myka so she could also face the doctor.

"So I've heard. Vanessa did her best to convince me that she would be around 24/7 and that home is where you should be. She also mentioned that some effort was made to set up a way for you to recover without too much strain. So I'm inclined to agree with her decision." Dr. Moore replied with a smile.

Myka let out a breath she didn't even realize she had been holding. Thank god.

"You should be able to get out of here by late this afternoon. We're going to do two more rounds of vital checks and I want to make sure we have the dosage of your pain killers correct, and then I will sign you out of here."

"Thank you." Myka whispered. She let her head fall to Helena's shoulder, realizing just how much a short conversation and the anticipation of the doctors decision had drained her. Helena turned and placed a kiss to Myka's head, noticing that she was about to fall asleep.

Jane took this moment to excuse herself. "Get some rest Myka. I'll let the others know what's going on and I'll see you back at the house."

Myka opened her eyes and nodded to the woman leaving. "Thank you Jane. Say hi to Pete for me and tell him to stay safe."

"I will." After exchanging good byes with Helena and the doctor, Jane made her way out the door.

The doctor also took in Myka's appearance and started to make her exit. "I'll be back in a couple of hours to check in with you again. In the meantime a nurse will be by to go over some basics with you for home care, and also get you up out of bed at least once before we ok your release."

After the doctor took her leave, Helena moved more fully onto the bed, lying next to Myka once again. Myka turned to look at her and realized that as much as she was itching to get out of this hospital room, Helena could leave, but she hadn't.

Turning to look at the woman next to her, she linked their hands between them. "Why don't you get out of here for a while? Go home and shower, get some real food. You must be exhausted."

"No." Helena replied quickly. "I'm fine." she continued, a softer edge to her voice.

"Honestly, I'm just going to go back to sleep." Myka reasoned. "I'll be fine. And you look exhausted."

"Are you saying I look bad my dear?" Helena questioned with a lightness in her voice.

Myka laughed at Helena's feigned attempt at being insulted. "Of course not. You are beautiful all the time." she answered sincerely and sealed her answer with a kiss. "However, you also need to take care of yourself. I doubt you slept during the surgery, and when I woke up the first time you were half passed out in a chair. When was the last time you ate?"

Helena had the good sense to not put a time frame on her last meal. "I haven't been hungry. Honestly, I'm fine. It's you we need to be concerned with..."

"Helena, stop. I can't even put into words how much I appreciate your being by my side. But please, take a little time. Even if you just go home, grab a shower, pick up some food and come back. You don't need to be stuck here too. You'll feel better... " Myka insisted.

"No." Helena stated simply, without explanation.

"Helena?" Myka looked at her, concern growing in her voice. Although she had been on the verge of falling asleep, she forced herself to refocus all of her energy on the woman next to her.

"Myka please stop asking." Helena rose from the bed and paced the room a little. "I know you probably think I am being ridiculous. I know you're safe here in the hospital right now... I know I could go get food and come back and you'd still be safe... I know you are only looking out for me the same way I am trying to look out for you. I _**know**_ all of that." She took a breath but continued her pacing, running a hand through her hair.

"I know it all. But I can't handle the feeling of absolute fear that grips me at the thought of having you out of my site right now. It's irrational and overbearing and... insane. But as ridiculous as it is, please don't ask me to leave your side right now." She pleaded with the woman in the bed.

Myka's heart broke at the pain in Helena's voice. She realized that what started as a small conversation about a shower in a meal was so much more than that. "Come here." she whispered to the woman pacing the room.

Helena easily conceded to the request, and moved back towards the bed, sitting to face Myka.

"No, not like that." Myke insisted. "Come here." she lifted her arm so that Helena could lie on the bed and then curl into Myka's side, extremely careful not to put weight anywhere that could hurt Myka. Helena felt Myka's arm wrap around her shoulder, letting her body relax into the embrace. She gently placed her arm across the younger woman chest to grasp her shoulder on the other side.

"I'm sorry Myka. I'm acting like a bloody fool, I know. This is not what you need right now." Helena confessed into Myka's shoulder.

Myka placed a kiss on the top of Helena's head before speaking. "What I need right now is to make sure that the woman I love knows that I have no intention of going anywhere. I know you're scared sweetie. I am too. But you have to believe I am going to be fighting this with everything in my power."

"I know you are." Helena agreed.

"I am not going to leave you if I can help it. Not after surgery. Not after chemo. Not even when we are old and grey and senile." She smiled at the last thought of the two of them growing old together.

"I will never be grey." Helena insisted with a small huff.

"There's my girl." Myka laughed with her at the pure stubbornness returning to Helena's voice. "Are you ok?" she asked.

"Probably not. But I will be" Helena conceded into her chest. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Myka reassured.

"I still don't want to leave." Helena whispered her confession.

"I don't want you to leave right now either."

"Are we crazy?"

"Probably. I'm sure we'll keep Abigail busy in the future. But for right now I am perfectly content to cling."

"Good. I love you." Helena lifted her head and planted a kiss on Myka's lip.

"I love you too. Nap with me?" Myka requested, knowing there was no chance of her staying awake much longer.

"Of course." Helena snuggled back down, happy to be in the arms of the woman she loved. Looking forward to a few hours of sleep before nurses and doctors took over their space again.


	8. Chapter 8 - Home

**A/N: Your support is amazing. Thank you. I got a day off work and this wouldn't leave my brain, so here you go a little earlier than usual. Enjoy! And in case you forgot, I really do own nothing.**

**Chapter 8 - Home**

It took longer than either Myka or Helena had hoped for Myka to get discharged from the hospital. When 6pm rolled around, there was some talk of her not getting to go home until the following morning. And honestly as Myka slept most of the day away, she may not have cared one way or another if she was going home on Tuesday night or Wednesday morning. But after their early morning conversation, she was concerned for Helena and felt that getting her home and fed and well rested was as important as her own recovery. Although the hospital had brought food in for Myka earlier in the day, neither woman had much of an appetite and barely picked at the items on the tray. Home is where they would find comfort in food and family.

Earlier in the day a nurse had come by and helped get Myka a little more ready to leave, getting her out of bed and moving around, and assisting her in getting as cleaned up as possible in the en suite, even though she couldn't quite shower yet. Her vitals were all good and her pain meds were effective, so by 7pm, Vanessa and Dr. Moore were both present in Myka's room and home care instructions were reviewed with the two women. It was time to get the hell out of there.

Myka was sitting on the edge of the bed, legs hanging off, propped up as much by her own hands on the bed as she was by Helena's arm wrapped around her waist.

"I will have a nurse come in and help you get changed, and then you will be out of here." Dr Moore concluded. "I will expect to see you in three days for your followup, but any other checks will be conducted by Dr. Calder at home. I do hope you get some good rest Myka. I'm glad we were able to get you out of here as soon as possible."

"Thanks doctor." Myka replied sincerely. "I think I can manage to get changed with Helena's help." she continued. All of the support staff at the hospital had been friendly and competent, but she was not feeling the need to be exposed to one more person at this time.

Helena looked to the woman next to her before stage whispering. "Hmm... do I have to be on my best behavior?"

Myka gently swatted Helena on the arm that was wrapped around her waist. "Seriously? Do you want them to let me go home or not?"

Both Ashley and Vanessa laughed as they were making their way to the door. "Fair enough, I'll send a nurse in with a wheelchair in about 10 minutes. If you can both behave yourself, you should be changed and ready to go by then." Dr. Moore commented.

"Of course doctor." Helena replied with a mock seriousness to her tone.

"Ladies." Vanessa continued, "I'm going to go check in with Artie and Claudia and then I'll grab the car and be out front to drive you both home."

The doctors took their leave and Helena slowly slid off the bed and turned so she was standing directly in front of Myka. She draped her arms over Myka's shoulders and leaned in for a brief kiss. "Shall we get you out of here then?"

Myka simply nodded. "Can you grab my bag? I have some clothes to change into in there."

Helena made her way to the other side of the room where she picked up an overnight bag that was on the chair. Placing it on the bed and opening it, she found a pair of sweatpants, a loose t-shirt, and a front zip hoodie. She pulled the items out and moved back around to stand in front of Myka.

"Ready?" she asked gently.

"More than you can imagine." Myka responded.

Myka reached around her back to untie the gown she had on, but Helena beat her to it, wrapping her arms around Myka from the front. "Let me, darling."

Myka smiled at the tone of Helena's voice. "You do realize that I have to change, right? Not just undress?" Myka laughed. The light-hearted banter felt good. They were heading home, and that made every little thing better.

"Of course dear. And if I... oh, I don't know... happen to catch a glimpse of my gorgeous girlfriend in the meantime... That wouldn't be a problem now, would it?" Helena teased.

Myka laughed again and leaned forward to kiss Helena. "Well, I am completely covered in bandages. That are eventually going to turn into some pretty nasty scars. I'm feeling like 'beautiful' isn't going to be happening right now." Her tone changed to a bit more melancholy at the realization of what she was saying.

Helena slid the gown down, placing a kiss on Myka's neck, and then down between her breasts, and then a final gentle kiss just above the bandage on her abdomen. "You are beautiful." she reminded the woman before her. "You could be wrapped up like a zombie with a billion scars" she continued, keeping the tone light but sincere. "And you would still be absolutely." Kiss. "100 percent" Kiss. "Beautiful."

Myka had no words to respond to the woman in front of her, so she simply cupped the older woman's face and kissed her. When they pulled apart, Helena reached over and grabbed the t-shirt next to Myka. She brought it down over her head, placing another kiss to Myka's lips as soon as her head popped through causing Myka to laugh again. Myka managed to maneuvered her arms into the sleeves and then was helped into the sweatshirt.

"Thanks for the help." Myka spoke, speaking as much to the help boosting her confidence as she was to the help getting dressed.

"My pleasure. Literally. Just wait until we get to your pants darling." Helena laughed.

Myka swatted her again, but was internally grateful that Helena refused to let the teasing go. "Alright Wells, behave yourself. I wouldn't want to pop any stitches knowing those... expert hands of yours... are the ones helping me out." she teased back.

Helena smiled. "We wouldn't want that now would we." she commented. And then with a more predatory tone than either of them had expected, she leaned forward to whisper in Myka's ear. "But as soon as you are feeling up to it, you my dear, are fair game." she ended her statement with a nip to Myka's ear.

"Deal." Myka whispered back.

Reaching for the sweatpants, Helena guided one leg at a time into the garment, making sure to gently caress each calf as she slid the pants up. "Ready to stand up?" she questioned.

Myka nodded and grabbing the top of the pants, she slid forward off the bed pulling the pants up as she went. Helena placed both arms on Myka's hips to balance her, and when Myka was done, she brought their bodies a step closer together.

Myka leaned her head forward onto Helena's shoulder and they simply stood, absorbing each others warmth. Helena pulled back and looked into her lovers eyes before asking "Ready to go? I can go get the nurse."

"No need." they both heard spoken from the doorway, turning to recognize the nurse from the night before greeting them with a wheelchair. "I hear you're getting released for good behavior Myka. I am happy to be your escort out of this joint."

She slid the wheelchair up next to the ladies and Myka slowly lowered herself into the chair. Once in the chair, she grabbed Helena's hand as she was being pushed out the door. "Let's go home."

**B&W~B&W~B&W~B&W~B&W**

Myka was settled into the bed in the study, waiting for Helena to return from her shower. The drive home had been uneventful, if not a little draining. Vanessa assisted in getting Myka situated as soon as they arrived, Claudia retreated to the kitchen to prepare tea and a light snack for the two, and Jane and Abigail were present at the B&B, but doing their best to give Myka some space.

As soon as Myka hit the bed she felt like she could sleep. However Vanessa need to do some vital checks before that could happen. Although Myka had not had any luck getting Helena to take a break in the hospital, Vanessa insisted that she head upstairs to shower and change while Myka settled in. Realizing there was no arguing with the good doctor, Helena retreated up the stairs, much to Myka's relief.

"Honestly Myka, how are you feeling?" Vanessa asked.

"Honestly? I feel like someone removed a bunch of my insides and then sewed me back up. And it sucks." She replied truthfully, barely managing to keep a bitter edge out of her voice.

"That it does." Vanessa agreed, knowing there was nothing to be said to make Myka feel a whole lot better at that moment. "You should eat some food before you fall asleep. Building your strength back up has to be our first priority."

"I think I can help with that." Claudia commented from the doorway as she walked in with a tray of sandwiches, some fruit, and tea.

She placed the tray on the table next to the bed and handed Myka a cup of tea. "I know it's not coffee, but I figured this was probably best for the time being."

"Thanks Claud. It's perfect. I actually am a little bit hungry." Myka replied.

Vanessa rose from the edge of the bed and made her way towards the door. "I'll be back in a bit to check in on you. Eat, relax, sleep."

Claudia took up the spot on the bed that Vanessa had vacated. "I'm glad you're home Myka. I mean... I wanted to come to the hospital... but with the boys gone and Artie... being Artie." she trailed off. "And I knew you were in good hands with Vanessa... and Helena obviously."

Myka picked up Claudia's hand and smiled at the rambling young woman. She knew Claudia was trying to mask her obvious fear and concern without asking Myka how she was feeling. And Myka was grateful for that, already burning out on how many times she had heard that damn question. "Claudia, it's fine. I'm fine. I promise. A little sore, but that's too be expected. Nothing that I can't handle."

"Are you sure?" Claudia asked shyly.

"I'm sure." Myka nodded with her response, never losing eye contact with Claudia. "I promise I'm not going to lie to you Claud."

"Good. Because I know you all think I'm the kid around here and you need to protect me and all that bullshit. But seriously Mykes, I can handle it. You know that. And I want to be here for you. And help however I can." Claudia spoke with such sincerity and maturity that it made Myka realize just how grown up their young agent had become.

"Actually Claud, I do have something you can help me with, if you're willing." Myka realized that as much as she wanted to be the one to look out for Helena through all this, she wasn't always going to be able to. And as much as Helena would deny needing to be 'taken care of' she was going to run herself into the ground looking after and worrying about Myka if someone didn't keep her in check.

"Anything Myka, you know that." Claudia replied, anxious to find out how she could support her adopted big sister.

"First of all, if you say anything to Helena about this, it won't be good for either of us, so please keep this between us." she began, and waited for Claudia to nod in response before continuing. "She's worried about me. I get it. I know you all are and I can't even tell you how much I appreciate your support. But we're only on day two of this ridiculous journey, and she's already forgetting to eat... not sleeping... you know how she is when she thinks there is a problem to solve."

"I do." Claudia confirmed. "And I'm guessing you're going to need some help making sure she takes care of herself while she's taking care of you."

"She doesn't do 'idle' well Claud. I'm scared that all this might be too much for her. Waiting... watching... God knows if our positions were reversed I wouldn't be doing so well either. But... I can't be the reason..." she trailed off.

"Myka, HG is not going to break. Not again." Claudia spoke with complete conviction. And for good reason. She absolutely had to believe that these two women were going to be together for a very long time. The universe had been too cruel to them already. "And however hard this is for her, you have to remember it's not your fault."

"It's my cancer Claud... It's my fault she's not in Wisconsin living happily ever after... It's my fault she came back..." Myka couldn't stop the tears. "It will be my fault if she has to suffer through losing someone she loves again." she finished.

Claudia couldn't bear to watch her friend hold so much responsibility. She scooted forward on the bed and tugged Myka into a strong hug. "Myka you have to stop. She loves you and none of what is happening right now is your fault. She wants to be here and she will be ok. Just like you will be ok. She's stronger than you're giving her credit for." She pulled back looking Myka in the eyes and then continued. "I have your back. And that means I have her back too. Whatever you need me to do, I will. I promise."

"When did you get so smart, huh?" Myka joked.

Pulling completely away Claudia blushed a little. "Ha. Try telling Artie that some time." she joked.

Myka rested her hand on the knee of the young agent in front of her. "Seriously Claud. I mean, we all know you're a genius. But you're pretty damn smart too."

"Eh, I try." Claudia looked around the room for something to change the topic. "Oh! I brought a bunch of your stuff down here so you weren't terribly bored!" She hopped off the bed and circled the room pointing out items here and there. "So you have like every book that was sitting on your bedside table... Who reads four books at the same time anyway? Um.. iPad... stuffed giraffe... journal... didn't read it. Promise... comfy sweatshirts... secret stash of dvds...not so secret by the way... Sci fi fan? Really?"

"Stuffed giraffe?" Myka questioned with a laugh.

"Um... yeah. It wasn't exactly out in the open or anything, but I found it... not that I was totally snooping or anything. Anyway..." Claudia picked up the giraffe and looked it over. "It looked... loved. So I figured it was a comfort thing."

Myka reached out for the soft animal which Claudia immediately handed over. "Yeah, he is." was all Myka would say in response. "Thank you. This all is perfect."

Helena entered the study, looking refreshed. She wore a simple pair of yoga pants and a deep purple t-shirt. She had not bothered with make-up, her feet were bare and her hair was still damp from her shower. In Myka's mind, she had never looked so beautiful. "Hi there." she said on the way in. "Mind if I crash this little party?"

Claudia was the first to respond, Myka still in awe of the woman in front of her. "Of course not. Come on in. We were just about to hear the story behind Myka's giraffe." Claudia commented with a smile.

Helena turned to Myka who was holding the small toy and let out a heart warming laugh. "You kept him?" she asked in disbelief.

"Of course I kept him." Myka replied like it was the most logical thing in the world. "He was from you." she concluded.

"Aww..." Claudia squealed. "That's so sweet! Come on.. there **has** to be a story behind this and now I **need **to know!"

Myka couldn't help but laugh at Claudia's excitement.

"It was a couple years ago. When Helena had first come back to the Warehouse." she started. "It was the first mission we'd gone on just the two of us. Remember, the clown nose that caused everyone who touched it to see their loved ones as evil scary clowns?" All three shuttered at the memory of that particular artifact. "Well after the snag and bag, we had a few hours to kill before our return flight. We were already at a carnival and Helena was convinced that every carnival game could be beat, fixed or not, with a little understanding of basic physics." she laughed at the memory.

"I still hold that belief to be true!" Helena defended. "Even if it did prove to be more difficult to implement than I thought." she sighed in defeat.

"Anyway... after many extremely hilarious attempts, she finally won this little guy by knocking over some milk bottles." Myka laughed.

Helena picked up where Myka left off. "We were heading out of the park and I was simply going to toss him. Who needs a stuffed giraffe? But Myka insisted on keeping him. She acted like throwing him out was one of the seven deadly sins. For the life of me I couldn't figure out why."

"And now?" Myka questioned, wondering if Helena knew the true reason why Myka kept the stuffed toy.

"And now." Helena started, making her way around the bed and sitting down on the side opposite Claudia. "Now, I think you maybe wanted something to remember our first mission by." She plucked the toy from Myka's hands, looking down at him fondly. "I'm glad you kept him."

Although Helena was close, Myka wanted to correct her assumption. "Not our mission necessarily. It was the first time we really got to spend any time together without being in pursuit of an artifact. I felt like this guy represented the start of a very good friendship."

"Friendship, huh?" Helena teased.

"Ok, well it didn't help that I had a mad crush on you at the time. But you know... I was trying to be professional and all." Myka confessed.

"I do believe I had a 'mad crush' on you as well darling." She replied and leaned in for a small kiss. "I'm sorry it took me so long to get back here." she commented sincerely.

"Um... guys?" Claudia interrupted. "Still in the room..." she noted.

Helena chuckled at the girls obvious discomfort. "You did ask my dear. And every good love story has to end with a kiss after all." She emphasized her point by placing another, firmer, kiss to Myka's lips.

"Right, well... That doesn't mean I need to watch!" she replied, although the happiness she felt for her friends was apparent in her voice.

Myka couldn't help but prolong Claudia's uneasiness a little longer. "Well, imagine if you weren't here." she commented quietly.

"OMG. Stop. Just stop." Claudia protested. "Here." She said picking the plate of food up off the side table. "I brought you a snack. Eat. Both of you. The only thing I want to see going into those mouths of yours is food!" she declared. "Oh god, I can't believe I just said that." the light blush from earlier was a full blown scarlet red now.

Myka laughed and took the offered food from the young girl. "Right then, food." She smiled. After picking half a sandwich off the plate she passed it over to Helena.

"No thank you darling, I am not hungry."

Before Myka could respond, Claudia cut in. "Come on HG. Where are those proper British manners of yours. I slave away in the kitchen and you turn down my food?" she questioned innocently.

"I would hardly consider sandwiches..." she started to justify.

"Nope. New rule. I cook. You eat. Deal?" She asked, her playful tone turning a little more serious.

Helena was a little taken aback by the change in Claudia's tone. "Claudia, I don't see why..."

"Because you're family. And we all look out for family. So I'm just going to sit here and watch you eat. And if you want some alone time with this hot woman of yours, I suggest you get to it." Claudia knew Helena might be surprised by her little outburst, but she promised Myka, and she takes her promises seriously.

"I would listen to her sweetie." Myka commented. "I think all this 'going to be caretaker one day' has given her a bit of a mom edge. I know I don't ever want to cross it. But if you would like to call her on it..."

"Righty ho then." Helena sighed, resigned to the fact that for whatever reason, Claudia was dead set on her eating. She picked up a sandwich and quietly went about her business of eating it.

"Well, it looks like my job here is done." Claudia stood with a smile. "I hope you ladies sleep well." She started to head towards the door when she remembered one last thing. Redirecting herself over to the desk, she picked something up and turned back around to face the two women. "Myka, this is yours." she commented, resting the Farnsworth on the bed. "Pete said if they weren't back by morning he'd love to see, and I quote, 'her big ol' goofy grin.' So if you feel up to it you should give him a ring when you wake up."

"Got it. Thanks Claud. For everything." She gave a quick look to the woman next to her who still had a stuffed giraffe on her lap and had moved on to picking at the bowl of fruit. "I don't know what we'd do without you."

"Well," she smiled. "Lucky for you my plan is to pester you on a fairly regular basis. There will be no shortage of 'little sis love' going around." she called out as she exited the room.

Myka smiled and leaned back in bed while Helena took a moment to move the plate over to the side table before leaning back herself. Myka blindly reached for the other woman's hand and when she found it, she sighed in content. "Thank you for getting me home."

"Of course darling. Is there anything you need?" Helena inquired.

"Just you." She replied honestly. Her exhaustion was quickly consuming her. "Vanessa gave me my pain meds before she headed out, and honestly right now I just want to curl up and go to sleep. Is that alright?" she asked.

Helena leaned over and kissed the woman next to her. "That is more than alright."

Myka slowly slid down and then curled onto her side. She probably should still be sleeping on her back, but 'makeshift cuddling' was not going to cut it tonight. Pain be damned, she was going to curl up into the woman she loved and be held all night. Helena did her part to quickly wrap an arm Myka's shoulder and hold her tight.

Minutes passed in silence and Helena was sure Myka had fallen asleep when she heard a quiet "Helena?" mumbled into her chest.

"What is it darling?" she asked in an equally quiet voice.

"Claudia was right, you are family. Please don't forget that." she mumbled. Helena realized that obviously whatever going through her head was important enough for her to try and keep herself awake, and she wanted to put her mind at ease as quickly as possible.

"I won't. I promise." she replied honestly.

"If I get really bad, you have to let them help you too. Ok?" Although she tried to keep it out of her voice, Myka could barely mask the pleading nature of her request.

Helena sighed, knowing that accepting support from the team was going to be hard for her. But if it helped Myka sleep to know that she too was being taken care of by their family, then she would allow it. "Ok." She whispered, placing a kiss to the top of Myka's head. "I love you."

She felt Myka instantly relax and snuggle into her deeper. She barely made out the muffled "Love you too." before sleep consumed her. Helena let out a breath and thought through the emotional turmoil of the last few days. And shuttered at the realization that it was nothing compared to what was to come.


	9. Chapter 9 - The Garden

**A/N: You guys are amazing. 100 followers for this little thing? That is just crazy to me. I got so excited that I opted to bust out a short little chapter this morning. Not proofed as well as I could with more time, but from the heart and the only way I could think of to say thanks for the support! Enjoy! And I still own nothing.**

**Chapter 9 - The Garden**

Myka had been home from the hospital for 9 days, and although she was feeling slightly stir crazy, she was healing well from her surgery and building her strength back up. Her new favorite pastime was her daily walks with Helena in the garden. They both recognized that their time together was precious, and they made sure not to waste an ounce of it. By the third day of her home recovery, Myka was able to move about slowly, and heading outside for that first time since being home, Helena by her side, gave her a renewed path to healing.

They were constantly in physical contact on their walks, either holding hands or arms linked around each others waists. At first it was for support, Helena wanting to make sure that Myka was in fact as steady on her feet as she claimed. But as Myka's strength grew, they saw no need to separate themselves during these moments.

They talked about every and nothing. Their love of literature was a common bond and they could spend hours discussing the merits of various authors. They swapped Warehouse stories and Myka was surprised about how open Helena was about her time in Warehouse 12. They laughed and cried over their shared adventures, finally delving into the pain that was Yellowstone, but also reflecting on how much good had come from them working together in those early days. While Myka was healing physically, emotionally they were healing together.

As a rule, the two did not talk about Myka's health during their walks. If Myka felt fatigued, she simply sat on a nearby bench or wrapped her arm a little tighter around Helena for support. Helena would not say anything, following the lead of the woman she loved. She did not need to ask Myka how she felt. She could read her body language if need be, but more importantly, Myka would simply tell her. There was no need for false bravery or hiding of ones pain. Emotionally or physically. On either of their ends. Their ability to be honest with each other helped the healing process more than anyone, minus Abigail of course, could have imagined. It was easy, and peaceful. Both women agreed that if there had been anything "conventional" about their relationship, these moments would have made excellent first dates.

They were on a walk on the evening before Myka was to start chemo, and given their unspoken rule of "no cancer talk", it was an unusually quiet walk for the two. Their silence was not uncomfortable, simply being in each others presence had a calming affect on both women, however there was definitely an air of uncertainty floating around them.

Their day had been filled with follow up appointments and visits from Dr. Calder, so it wasn't until after dinner that the women had a chance to retreat outside. Myka had grabbed a blanket and an extra sweatshirt on the way out the door, silently indicating to Helena that they were going to be out there longer than usual, so Helena followed suit and picked up a jacket of her own. Once Myka decided on a secluded spot with an abundance of soft grass, she laid down the blanket and lowered herself onto it, never disconnecting her hand from Helena, who quickly followed suit. She laid back completely, placing her arm behind her head as a pillow, and looking up as pinks and blues took over the sky as the sun began to set. "It's beautiful." she whispered to no one in particular.

When Helena moved onto the blanket she had laid on her side, propping herself up on her elbow and resting her head in her hand. Their linked hand rested comfortably on Myka's stomach. Her gaze was not on the sky, but on the woman lying on her back in front of her. "Yes, the most beautiful site I have ever seen." she replied, causing Myka to turn her head towards her.

"Flirt." she laughed, doing her best to avoid the compliment since she still wasn't feeling quite like herself.

"I only speak the truth." Helena replied with so much sincerity and love in her voice Myka felt she might cry from that alone. Her emotions, and her hormones, had taken a huge roller coaster ride over the past week, and she felt like every day she was fighting a losing battle to keep it all in check.

"Lie with me?" she requested, knowing Helena's physical presence would calm her.

Helena complied, but refused to break eye contact with the woman below her. She rolled slightly on top of Myka, but rested her arm across the other woman's chest, resting her chin on her hand so they could speak eye to eye. "Talk to me."

The arm not cradling her head instinctively wrapped around Helena, holding her close. "I'm sorry." she whispered, not even sure where to start, but feeling a few lone tears escape and slide down her cheek.

"For what?" Hlelena whispered back, confused, as she gently wiped a tear from Myka's cheek. For the life of her she couldn't think of a single thing Myka needed to apologize for.

"Everything that is about to happen." There. She could speak the truth.

"Don't be." Helena leaned up and placed a gentle kiss on her lips, pulling back knowing Myka had more to say.

"You know, as messed up as things have been, this past week has been one of the happiest I remember." she confessed, with a lighter tone to her voice. She was still slightly conflicted about how she could be so content at such a tumultuous time.

"I agree." Helena had truly been happy this past week. Being with Myka, in any capacity, was a blessing.

Fear crept back into Myka's voice. "It's going to change."

"Not necessarily." Helena had to be the optimistic one.

"I'm going to get sick." There it was. The truth. Again.

"You will." Helena would not lie. Myka would get sick. "But you will also recover. Of that I am sure."

"Not like recovery from surgery sick." Myka emphasized. "Like pump chemicals into my body and puke them out and lose my hair sick. Like this shit could kill me sick." She was getting angry but tried to reign it in.

"I know." Helena sighed, all too aware of the possible outcome. "But that does not change my response. We have to believe."

"It's going to be ugly." Myka was full of more fear and uncertainty.

"You will still be beautiful." More truth. She could feel it in her soul. It was their glue.

Myka closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Stay so calm? I want to yell and scream and cry most of the time, but when you're here, it just goes away. I mean I still want to do all those things, and as you well know I have, many times, in your arms. But you make it better. Manageable."

"Good." she replied with a kiss. "That is my job."

"That doesn't answer my question, tho. I know you. You never used to do calm. So?"

"It's simple really. I yell and scream and cry to Claudia. Even to Abigail on occasion." Helena confessed.

"Seriously?" The surprise in Myka's voice was evident. "Why did I not know this?" Myka wanted to be upset that Helena wasn't coming to her with her struggles, but she couldn't. She knew she was barely keeping herself together with Helena's help. Helena needed that too.

"You were the one who asked me to. Remember?" When Myka shook her head no, she continued. "Our first night home you were falling asleep and you told me that I had to let our family be there for me. I promised you I would. I don't break promises. Not to you. Never again."

"Wow. I had no idea." Not only about her apparently sleep addled mumblings, but that Helena had taken her so seriously.

"More than anything I need to be here for you. I can't do that if I'm on the verge of being... what does Pete call me? 'Lady cuckoo'... on a regular basis. I know that. You know that. I do believe you were the one who told Claudia she was responsible for looking out for me on our first night back. She takes her job quite seriously you know."

"You heard, huh?" Myka knew Claudia had done a good job of looking out for Helena when she couldn't. But she thought Helena was none the wiser about their talk. "I'm sorry... I was worried."

"Don't be. You were right. It has helped." And it had. Helena does not know where she would be without the young apprentice's support.

"But you hate talking to people." There was no accusation in Myka's tone. Just reality.

"Ah, yes. Well you, my darling, are far more important than my pride will ever be." Helena concluded. It seemed quite simple to her in fact.

Myka was completely floored. If she had ever once doubted her ability to trust Helena after all they'd been through, that was completely gone. She knew without a second thought that she was undeniably loved by this woman. And that was an incredible feeling. "You are amazing, you know that? I love you."

"As I, you. More than I could ever express."

"I disagree. I think you have done a beautiful job of expressing it." Myka rolled them over, so she was now lying on top of Helena, and kissed her deeply.

Since returning from the hospital, they had not done much more than kiss lightly and hold each other close. Obviously Myka was not ready physically for them to be together, and wouldn't be for a while. Helena knew Myka was not only going through a serious physical change, but she was also dealing with the emotional side of the changes to her body. They may not be making love again for a good long time, but mentally Helena was completely fine with that. Yes, they had the opportunity to be extremely intimate before Myka's surgery, but that was far from either of their priority lists right now. They were enjoying getting to know each other again while Myka healed and their relationship blossomed.

But that kiss. Oh Lord. Helena could not hold back a moan and her entire body shivered.

Noticing Helena's response and immediately feeling guilty that it wasn't going to go much further, Myka pulled back and gazed down at the woman below her. "I'm sorry." She spoke so quietly and seemed almost ashamed.

Hearing the love of her life apologize was enough of a reality check for Helena to get her body back under control. She reached up and cupped Myka's chin. "Never ever ever be sorry for kissing me like that again." she pulled Myka back down and kissed her again.

They parted when the need for air was too much. Myka buried her head in the neck below her. "It could be a while." she whispered.

"It could be. And that is ok." She wasn't sure how to convinced Myka that she _**was**_ ok with however the physical aspect of their relationship worked out for the time being.

"It's not that I don't want to. Or want you..." She lifted her head from it's resting place in Helena's next and smiled to the woman below her. "God knows, I want you." she emphasized with a kiss. "It's not only that I can't yet... I really just wish I didn't feel so..." she was trying her best to be honest with Helena, but she struggled to find the words for how she was feeling. Fortunately they rarely needed too many words between them.

"I know darling." she tucked a stray lock of hair behind Myka's ear. "You won't feel like this forever. And I promise I am not going anywhere." Trying to lighten the mood a little she continued. "And contrary to popular opinion, I do have the ability to display some restraint and patience." she joked.

"Helena G. Wells? Patient?" She joked back. "Who knew the day would come?"

"Well, it did take 148 years. But apparently I just needed to find someone worth being patient for."

Myka laughed. "You really do have an endless supply of charm, don't you?"

"So I've been told." she replied, joining in with Myka's laughter. It felt good.

Myka slid to Helena's side, wrapping an arm across her waist and snuggling in to her favorite position. "You realize you could have anyone in the world you wanted, right? And don't get me wrong, I have no doubt that you love me. I know it. I feel it. But for the life of me I can't figure out why you would settle."

Helena wrapped her arm around Myka and pulled her in close. "This, my darling, is not settling. This is me being the luckiest woman in the world."

"Didn't we already talk about your twisted definition of 'luck.'"

"Indeed, but it doesn't change how I feel. You brought me back from the brink. You waited for me. You healed my soul. You are my reason for being. No one else in the world will ever have that place in my heart." She spoke with such conviction that Myka couldn't refute it.

"We healed each others souls." Myka clarified.

Helena smiled. "We are quite the pair, aren't we?"

"We are."

Feeling Myka shiver, even with the extra sweatshirt on, Helena was concerned. "Should we head back to the house? It's getting dark."

"I don't want tomorrow to come." Myka confessed, making no effort to move from her safe haven.

"I know." Helena acknowledged, pulling her in even closer.

"Five more minutes?"

Helena let go briefly to grab her own jacked that she had put down on the blanket earlier. She draped it over Myka's shoulder for added warmth and then resumed her hold on the woman in her arms, placing a kiss to a head of curly hair. "Ten."


	10. Chapter 10 - Chemo

**A/N: This was a really hard chapter for me to write. My brother went through chemo so I had some personal experience to pull from, but I know there is so much a person goes through when dealing with this. I hope I was able to capture a small bit of that without offending. **

**In other news - I will be heading out of the country for a couple weeks and am intentionally leaving the internet behind. Please do not abandon me in the mean time! Normally I don't post more than a couple parts per chapter, but this one has everything I've written to date. Hopefully that makes up for the upcoming absence! And I promise there is only one (maybe two) more bits of rock-bottomy angst before our ladies start to head back in an upward direction.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing of any value and will not be making money off of any of this. True story.**

**B&W~B&W~B&W~B&W **

Chapter 10 - Chemo

Myka sat on the floor, back against the wall, head tilted back, as she sipped from the water in her hand. The toilet was in front of her, and she knew any attempt at getting back to the bed in the study would result in the little bit of water she managed to keep down making it's way back up. Her head was spinning and even the simple act of opening her eyes could lead to another wave of nausea.

She wanted to cry. She wanted Helena. But she couldn't bring herself to call to her just yet. She had started her fourth round of chemo yesterday and there wasn't anything that Helena could do at this point to make things better.

Myka was in pain. She hurt. Everywhere. She was nauseous. Always. She was beyond exhausted. Fatigued. Drained. Chilled to the bone. And she was sad. God she was so sad. But she refused to subject Helena to more of that reality when she knew the woman had just finally been dragged upstairs by Claudia to get some sleep. She wanted her to rest. So she would sit on the floor, sipping her water, and silently pray that Helena slept through this round of nausea.

The doctors had tried to prepare them as far as what to expect after her chemo began. But when reality kicked in immediately after round one, they realized just how rough it was truly going to be.

It took less than 24 hours for the nausea set in with a vengeance. Dr. Calder had been on hand with the anti-nausea meds, but it did little to help. It lasted almost 3 full days. She was so exhausted and weakened by the nausea, she pretty much slept for two more days after it past. Which only gave her another 2 days before her next round was to begin. It was gruelling. And with each round, it it got progressively worse.

There was a soft knock on the door and Myka cringed at the thought of anyone seeing her like this. She should be used to it, and she knew everyone at the B&B was doing their best to give her as much privacy as possible during her treatments, but she also knew that with Helena resting, one of them would immediately be on hand to help out if the need arose.

"Hey Mykes, you doing ok in there?" It was Pete, and Myka was thankful for that. As strong as Claudia was trying to be, she was much better suited to look after Helena. The look in Claudia's eyes every time Myka got sick, or couldn't eat, betrayed the outward optimism she tried to display at the situation. Claudia was beyond terrified of losing Myka to her illness, and there was nothing Myka could do to rid her of that fear.

"The doors unlocked." she replied back to Pete, knowing he would understand that to mean both 'no, I'm not ok.' and 'yes, you can come in.'

The door opened slowly and Pete entered without saying anything. He slid down the wall next to Myka, and gently picked up her hand. She let her head roll to the side and rested it on his strong shoulder.

"Anything I can do?" he offered.

"No." And that was the truth. This would just have to pass. "Just don't move around too much or you might be wearing the water I just drank."

"Understood." he replied quietly, knowing Myka would set the pace on what she needed and when.

Although moving still wasn't an option, after a few minutes of quietly sitting next to each other, Myka broke the silence.

"Is Helena still sleeping?"

"Yeah, Claudia said she started to stir when we heard you get up, but she told her you were fine and that she needed to go back to sleep. Apparently it didn't take long for her to conk out again. Claudia is going to stay with her in your room to make sure she doesn't get up for a while. She's pretty beat." He spoke honestly, knowing it would make Myka feel a little better to know Helena was being cared for.

"Good. She needs to rest."

"So do you." Pete commented.

"Probably. But I can't move right now." she replied truthfully. Even with her nausea slowly passing, her muscles absolutely refused to do anything she was willing them to do. God she wanted her body back. Standing up should not be this hard.

Pete hesitated before he responded, knowing how strong willed Myka was and how she absolutely hated the thought of needing any type of physical assistance. But he couldn't bear to watch her fall asleep on the bathroom floor. She had let Helena assisted her over the course of the past few weeks, but no one else. "You know, I can help."

"I know... I just..." Myka trailed off, not able to find the words to express both her appreciation at the gesture, and why it was so hard for her to accept it.

"I get it Mykes. I mean... obviously I don't get what you're going through. But I know you. I know how hard this must be for you..."

"Pete..." she tried to cut him off, not knowing exactly what he was going to say, but also not thinking she was prepared to have this conversation with him right now.

"No, just listen." He insisted, although there was not a hint of anger in his voice. "You have always been our rock. We're this crazy bunch of misfits, and you're the glue that keeps us all together. And this cancer thing... that doesn't change that. You are still strong. You will fight this and beat this and be back to kicking butt and saving our asses on a regular basis as soon as you can. We all know that..."

"I can't even get my own ass off the bathroom floor right now." She couldn't keep the bitterness out of her voice. "Ass kicking is not exactly in my future." She had heard what he was saying but couldn't help but feel the exact opposite of all of it.

"It will be." He would carry enough confidence for both of them if that's what it took.

"How can you be so sure?"

"You're Myka." He answered that it was the most logical thing in the world. How could she possibly doubt her own strength? "You don't do half way. You don't give up."

"I did." She confessed. "Once." She'd walked away from them all when things had gotten hard once before. And this was a million times harder. And this time walking away had no return option. She shuddered.

"Yeah, well, I know HG had a lot to do with you coming back." he admitted. "God I hated her at the time, but she got you back. And she is here now. We're all here now. And we're not going to let you give up."

Myka sighed. She still had no clue where to go from here. "This is harder than I thought."

"So lean on us a little more. Let us help." There was no judgement in his voice. And again Myka marveled at how simple Pete made everything sound. Not because he was being insensitive to her struggle, but just because he had this unwavering faith in her. Which she felt she didn't deserve.

"I hate you seeing me like this." She finally admitted. Because that was really what it boiled down to. She was scared that even if she did beat this, he would always have this picture of her in his head as weak, and incapable, and that would destroy her more than any cancer would.

"All I see is my best friend fighting with all her might." He reassured. "That is what makes you strong. You'll only ever be weak if you stop fighting."

She knew he believed that, so even if she still questioned it herself, maybe she had to try and trust him a little more. She sighed again before speaking. "I don't know how to keep fighting Pete. Everything just hurts."

"Well, this floor does suck." he tried to be a little more 'Pete-ish' in that moment, knowing that was a hard confession for Myka to make. "I'm sure the bed is a whole lot more comfortable."

Myka smiled at the gesture and was silently grateful for his attempt. "You know that's not what I mean."

"I know, but we have to start somewhere." Baby steps would be how they would get through this. "Let me help you get into bed?"

Myka couldn't hold back a chuckle at the statement. "You know if Helena heard you say that, she'd be the one kicking ass."

Pete had to laugh along with her. "Ah, well your virtue is safe with me. Scouts honor." He promised, causing Myka to laugh again. They hadn't spoken much about the building relationship between the two women. "You know, she can be a little scary when it comes to those she loves."

Myka lifted her head slightly and looked at Pete, realizing quickly that was the first time he acknowledged how they truly felt about each other. Seeing nothing but sincerity in his eyes, she rested her head back down. "She can be."

"You really love her, huh?" He had to know for sure.

"Yeah, I really love her. We just... fit. I wish... I wish it hadn't taken this long to figure it all out... God our timing has always sucked." she laughed at her own comment. "But I can't imagine my life without her."

Pete squeezed Myka's hand before speaking. "I'm glad you have her. Really. Even with everything going on, you've seemed... I don't know... more at ease... since she came back. I only get these amazingly good vibes when you two are together."

"Seriously?" she questioned, not sure if he was being honest with her.

"Yep. You two together. Good vibes. For sure." He confirmed.

"Thanks Pete. That means a lot to me."

"So now without trying to offend the love of your life, will you let me get you into bed?" He asked, knowing how he phrased the question would cause Myka to smile again.

She did smile, but then let out a long sigh, frustration evident behind it. To top off her weakened state, she was pretty sure both of her legs had fallen asleep due to their extended time on the floor. "I can barely feel my legs."

"Well hey, I'm a pretty strong guy." he smirked. "Been working out. Trying to impress the ladies..." He smiled down at her and placed a kiss on her head.

She knew what he was offering, but wasn't sure how to respond. A few minutes of silence passed before Myka finally conceded. "Ok." she whispered and lifted her head up off his shoulder.

Pete stood slowly, and as gently as he had ever done anything in his entire life, he lifted Myka up off the floor. She rested her head on his chest, never opening her eyes, trying to will the tears building behind her lids to stay at bay. He walked carefully back to the study, and placed her down on the bed.

Myka couldn't bring herself to say anything, and Pete understood that there was absolutely nothing to be said. He placed another gentle kiss on her forehead, pulled the blanket up over her, and exited the room without a word.

When she heard the door close she finally let the tears that had been building up fall.

**B&W~B&W~B&W~B&W~B&W**

Three days later the current round of nausea had finally past and Myka was beginning to feel a bit more human again. She knew she only had a couple of days before her next round of treatment and the cycle started all over again, so she was doing her best to make the most of these few days. She had spent the morning curled up in bed with Helena, while the older woman read to her. As a way of sharing her past, Helena had started to read to Myka from her old journals from Warehouse 12. Being both an author and inventor, Helena had written elaborate recaps of her adventures in Warehouse 12. The journals had been written prior to Christina's death, and Myka could hear the joy and love that Helena had for her work and her life radiating from her words.

Helena wrapped up the entry that she was currently on and placed the journal on the side table next to the bed. "So darling, how do you feel about a trip to the garden today. I do believe it's time for some fresh air."

Myka tucked into Helena's side a little more, knowing that getting up and moving about was a good idea, but dreading the idea of leaving the warmth around her. "Sure." she mumbled into the body next to her.

Helena smiled down at the woman in her arms. Obviously they weren't going to be going out anytime soon. And she was perfectly fine with that. "Maybe in a little bit then?"

Myka smiled. God she loved this woman. "Yes, that sounds much better."

Minutes had passed in comfortable silence when both women heard the door to the B&B open and then promptly slam shut. They could hear boots making their way down the hallway, and it didn't take long to realize that Claudia was home, and not in a pleasant mood. When the door to the study opened without so much as a knock, they knew they were in for a something.

"Hi." was all Claudia huffed as she made her way to the chair across from the bed and plopped herself down.

Myka raised her head to look quickly to Helena, who had her eye arched at the young woman in the chair, waiting for her to speak. She slowly untangled herself and pulled herself into a sitting position so she could also face Claudia.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Artie kicked me out of the Warehouse" Claudia declared, as if that explained everything.

"Ok..."

"Apparently I am 'too high strung'" she emphasized the phrase with air quotes, "and I am pissing off the artifacts." she sighed. "Something about my connection and state of mind and... 'if you want to be caretaker, Claudia, you need to learn to reign in your emotions...' blah blah blah." she waved her hands through the air trying to relay how ridiculous she thought it all was.

Helena looked briefly to Myka before responding. "Well, you know dear, the Warehouse is rather sensitive..."

"Oh for frak sake, not you too!" she yelled.

"Claudia, relax. Helena was just..." Myka jumped in.

"Whatever, this is just bullshit." she yelled again. "And Artie knows it." she continued, but with a resigned note her voice.

The women sat in silence for a moment, giving Claudia a second to regroup. "So." Myka began. "Want to tell us what has you so on edge?"

"I'M NOT..." she started, but looking to both Helena and Myka she realized quickly she was not going to win this. "I'm not 'on edge.' I'm just... irritated." she concluded, having no other words to describe her current state.

"With what darling?" Helena inquired, keeping her voice low and gentle.

"Artie won't let me go on any missions right now. He says Pete and Steve have been handling the pings just fine, and that I need to just be at the Warehouse instead of, as he puts it, 'out in the world where God only knows what kind of problems a distracted impulsive kid like me could cause.'" she confessed.

"Are you distracted?" Myka asked sincerely. She knew the danger of being out in the field when you weren't at your best, and she would defer to Artie's judgement where Claudia was concerned.

"No." she stated quickly. And then thought about it. "Yes." she appended. "Maybe. I don't know! Probably. But I'm not an impulsive kid and he needs to loosen the reins a little!"

"He's just looking out for you." Myka tried to ease the young girls hurt feelings. "And you want to know what I really think?"

"Sure." she sighed. "Why not?" Claudia assumed Myka was going to lecture her about being distracted in the field and how dangerous that could be so she braced herself for more 'adult speak.'

"I really think that Artie, along with the rest of us, realizes how much we need you here right now. And he'll use whatever excuse he can come up with to make sure that happens." she stated with certainty. "Claud, you've been amazing this past month. You've taken care of me. You've taken care of Helena. You are the brains behind the boys missions when they're out in the field. Don't think we don't know how often you've saved their butts by being at the Warehouse and feeding them the info they need to do their jobs. We ALL need you here."

Claudia huffed. That was not what she expected to hear, but it still didn't make sense to her. "If that were truth why the hell doesn't he just say that?" she asked, her voice raising again. "Why put it on me?"

Helena took the opportunity to speak on behalf of Artie. "Arthur is not the best when it comes to... how do you put it? The 'touchy feely' stuff." she smiled. "Don't forget, that man also sees you like a daughter." She looked to Myka before continuing. Myka nodded, knowing where the conversation was heading, but also knowing that Claudia needed to realize just what was going through all of their heads.

"At times like these, when one is faced with the reality that they might lose a loved one." she had to get past the lump in her throat and took a second to pick up Myka's hand and squeeze. "At times like these, people tend to keep everyone they love just a little bit closer. Claudia, we've all reacted differently to Myka's illness. But one thing has been consistent. We've all held on to each other just a little bit tighter. Not letting you in the field right now, as poorly implemented as it may have been, is just Artie's way of keeping you close by. Keeping you safe. It's what he needs." she concluded, knowing even if it was exactly what Artie had been thinking, when you have a child, that is what is always at the forefront of your mind.

Claudia brought her knees up to her chest in the chair, hugging them close. She rested her head on her knees and sat quietly absorbing what Helena had said. Truth be told it wasn't like she wanted to be out in the field all the time. She saw how it tore up Pete and Steve to leave, knowing that Myka was here struggling. But she also felt obligated to do her job and that meant going out to snag and bag on a regular basis. Maybe Myka was right. Maybe what she was doing here was important. But it still should have been her choice. She sighed and raised her head to meet the gazes of the other two women.

"He should have just told me." Claudia concluded.

"Agreed." Myka wanted Claudia to realize that she did have a say in the matter. "You could talk to him."

"He's never going to say anything. He'll just huff and then let me back in the field." she rationalized, knowing she would get her way in the end.

"Probably." Myka agreed. "Is that what you want?"

"I want to give Pete and Steve a break. They deserve to be home too. But I don't really want to leave you guys either. Not right now." She was conflicted and it was apparent in her voice.

Helena could hear the sincerity in the young woman's voice. "Then you should tell him that. Ask him to place you in the field on the short and easy retrievals. It's not a perfect science, but after all these years, Artie knows the difference in pings. You can give the boys a break without being gone too long. You are an incredibly bright young woman. I am sure you can make a grumpy old man see a little reason." Helena laughed. "Just be sure not to irritate the artifacts any more darling, and I have no doubt your requests will be much better received."

Claudia rose from the chair and made her way to the bed. "Thank you." she spoke before leaning forward and hugging Helena.

"Of course. We're here for you anytime." Helena spoke sincerely. Much like Myka, she really had come to love Claudia like a little sister.

Claudia moved to the other side of the bed and approached Myka. "Hugging ok?" she asked, knowing that sometimes Myka's body was too sore for the movement.

Myka smiled up at her before nodding "Yes, hugging is perfect." she replied and the two gently embraced.

"Ok. I'm going to... you know... go... not... yell at my boss now." she made her way to the door before turning back. "Sorry to interrupt cuddle time." she laughed.

Myka laughed along with her. "We were just getting up anyway." she commented, thinking back to Helena's offer for a walk outside. It sounded like a great idea right about now.

**B&W~B&W~B&W~B&W~B&W**

Upon returning from their short walk, Myka was tired, but knew had just enough energy to take a shower before sitting down to eat and rest. She was grateful for the opportunity to shower without much pain or struggle, and was enjoying some extended time under the warm spray. Realizing the water would be running cold soon, she made an effort to finish up, taking time to run some shampoo through her hair. As she brought her hands down, she couldn't help but notice the large clumps of hair that were now in her hands.

Myka froze. She thought she'd been prepared for the surgery, and she was wrong. She thought she'd been prepared for the nausea and sickness following her chemo treatments. She'd been wrong about that too. After her second round of chemo, her doctor mentioned that that was usually around the time that patients started to notice hair loss, if it was going to happen. With the chemo mixture she had been on, it was likely. So again, she prepared. And it didn't happen after the second round. After the third round she got her hopes up and thought maybe she was one of the lucky ones. But as she stood there, water running cold, staring at the clumps of hair in her hand, she realized this was also something she could have never been prepared for.

At that moment all the progress she felt like she'd made since her talk with Pete. All the optimism and willingness to fight this off that she felt had been somewhat restored. Every wall she had put up to block out the brutality of what she was going through so she could move forward. It all failed her. She crumbled.

If anyone asked, Myka couldn't tell you how or when Helena ended up in the shower with her. But as she sank to the floor of the tub, a clump of brown hair in hand, sobbing, she felt two strong arms wrap around her. She felt herself being pulled back into the embrace of the woman she loved, and she cried like she had not cried since this entire ordeal had started. She sobbed for every loss she was feeling. For how unfair it all was. For the woman who was holding her because they might not have much time left together. For the idea that she might never get married. For not being able to have kids. For possibly never being able to snag, bag, or tag another artifact. She cried for all of it. And she couldn't stop.

Helena held her as close as possible. Taking a moment to reach up and turn off the water and grab the robe that was on hook next to the tub. She draped it over the woman in her arms, trying to keep her from shivering, and held on with all her strength.

It took long minutes before her sobbing turned to cries, and then more minutes before the cries turned to sniffles. The entire time Helena was whispering words of love into her ear. She couldn't make out exactly what was being said, and Helena probably didn't know what she was saying either, but the continual reassurances of unconditional love helped to slowly bring Myka back to her senses. She was finally able to move her body enough to lift her head and look into the eyes of the woman that was holding her. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean.."

"Shh" Helena gently leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on Myka's lips. "It's ok. It's all going to be ok."

"How did you even know?" Myka still seemed a little confused at Helena's presence in the bathroom.

"You screamed." Helena informed her. "I got here as fast as I could."

Myka did not remember screaming. Just staring blankly at the hair in her hands before collapsing. "Oh."

"Are you ready to get up?" She asked quietly, not wanting to rush her, but also being very aware of just how cold Myka was becoming.

Myka seemed to be shaking the last cobwebs from her mind, clearing her head enough to rise and taken in the woman in front of her "You're soaking wet." she commented, realizing that not only had Helena caught her when she was falling, she had done it in a shower, fully clothed.

"It's fine sweetie. Let's get us both into some warm clothes, ok?" Helena asked, trying not to rattle Myka any more than she already was.

Myka nodded but didn't say anything. She slowly made her way to the bedroom as Helena quickly stripped, leaving her wet clothes in the tub, and grabbed a towel to wrap around herself before following behind Myka. Fortunately for both of them Myka had felt up to going upstairs after their walk. During the end of her cycles she took advantage of using her own room as much as possible, and when she woke up feeling relatively fine this morning, she realized she wanted to sleep with Helena in her own bed tonight. This meant they were able to head straight from the ensuite into Myka's bedroom without running into anyone else. Helena pulled out a pair of sweatpants and a giant pullover for Myka, while she changed into a pair of yoga pants and a sweatshirt of her own.

Myka for her part was sitting on the edge of the bed, still staring off rather aimlessly. After quickly throwing her own clothes on, Helena made her way over to Myka, squatting down in front of her so they were eye level. "Let's get you dressed, shall we?"

Myka nodded again, and although she moved her body all the ways Helena needed her to in order to facilitate getting dressed, she was hardly an active participant in the process. "Do you want to lie down?" she asked Myka.

A simple "No." was all she got in response, with no other indication that Myka was going to talk, or move. Helena stood and made her way onto the bed, moving behind Myka and placing her legs on either side of the woman. She wrapped her arms around Myka's waist and tugged gently until she felt the woman lean back into the embrace. At least she was still responding to Helena's touch.

"What can I do?" she asked, realizing for the first time that she was truly at a loss for what her lover needed.

The silence settled between them and the longer Myka failed to respond, the more concerned Helena became. Her anxiety was starting to get the best of her.

"Please darling, talk to me." she pleaded.

Hearing the fear in Myka's voice was the first thing that started to bring Myka around. "I'm sorry." she finally said.

"There is nothing to apologize for." Helena assured her, squeezing her a bit tighter.

"Why this?" Myka asked, although Helena couldn't quite place the question.

"Why what darling?"

Myka took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. She felt Helena release a breath behind her and both women seemed to calm significantly. "Why is this" she ran a hand through her own hair, pulling out a small clump to emphasize, "the thing that makes me lose it? It doesn't hurt. I'm not puking for a change. It doesn't stop me from walking. Why this?"

Helena thought about the question but had no real answer. "I don't know. Maybe it was just time to let it all out?"

"Maybe." she conceded, not really understanding her own question, and knowing she too did not have an answer.

She ran her hand through her hair a couple more times, noticing that although less hair was falling out then in the shower, there was still some tangled around her fingers. "It's going to be all patchy."

"It appears so, yes." Helena replied honestly.

"Can we lie down?" Myka asked and Helena immediately slid back and up to the top of the bed. Myka followed behind and curled up on her side. Helena rolled with her, spooning her from behind.

They laid together in silence, Helena patiently waiting for Myka to be the one to speak.

"I guess I should just shave it or something, right?" Myka whispered, not even sure if she asked the question aloud.

Helena was not going to try and influence Myka one way or another. "Do you want to do that?"

"No." She stated firmly. "I want it to not fall out. But apparently that is not an option."

They were quiet for a bit longer before Myka finally conceded to what was going to happen. "I'll let Pete shave it. Claudia can pick out the hats."

"She does have excellent taste in hats." Helena confirmed, pulling Myka in a little bit closer.

"I don't even like short hair. Bald is going to look horrible." Although she was not one to be overly critical of her own appearance, the last month had left her feeling so ugly that she couldn't imagine adding this to her reflection in the mirror.

"You will always be beautiful." Helena spoke with such conviction that Myka melted into her embrace just a little more.

"Helena?"" Myka whispered, not able to keep her tears at bay any longer.

"Yes?"

"I'm scared."

"I know you are. So am I." Helena admitted. God she could not lose this woman. She leaned forward and kissed the shoulder blade in front of her.

"I don't want to leave you. I don't want to leave this." She struggled to admit what she was really feeling, but having beat around the bush enough over the past month, there wasn't much left to say. "I don't want to die."

Helena could feel Myka shaking in her arms, and was unable to keep her own tears at bay. "That is not going to happen."

She sounded so certain to Myka. "I want to believe you."

"Then do. I swear to you, that is not how this story ends."

"Promise me?" she asked hesitantly. It was an unfair request. Helena would not break a promise to Myka, and this was something she absolutely could not say for sure. Neither of them could. But all that aside, she still needed to hear it from the woman she loved..

"I promise you." She guaranteed. "With all my heart."

Myka let out a long shaky breath.

Chemo was halfway done. She was nauseous most days. She was fragile and cold. She was fluctuating between sad and mad on a daily basis. And now she was about to be bald.

But as she felt Helena's arm grip her a little tighter. As she leaned a little further back into the woman behind her. As she absorbed all the warmth that their love surrounded her with, she realized that the only thought that really mattered was the first one. Chemo was halfway done. She could do this.


End file.
